"I am sorry I loved you. I am sorry I let you in my life. I am sorry that I let you touch me. I am sorry that I never really spoke about our break up to anyone we knew."
I resisted writing this for too long but the girl who posted the chats about her ex gave me all the courage to do this. I could relive every moment in the letter she wrote.
So here it is.
I can blame you for everything I don't have today: the college of my dreams, my friends I could die for, my confidence when I speak with boys. The list is endless.
You made sure that everyone I had in life knew about each and every intimate moment I had spent with you and the guys before you. And some people made sure that I 'paid the price' for it.
Some people took the liberty to try and wrong me and justified themselves by saying that "she has done it before" or "well she is impure" and blah blah.
But I don't blame them. They just stepped on the broken glass that you smashed on the floor. If I broke your heart and that's what you told them all, you broke me, my soul, and my inner self.
Every ounce of me hated me. But no ounce of me hated you. It still doesn't. Because you were never meant to matter I guess.
You are not the companion I would choose for my life's long journey. You are not someone I can trust with my secrets. You are not someone who can listen and not judge. You are not someone I could grow with. Nor could I do the same with the boys before you.
I may have been physically intimate with people but the connection of the mind still seems absent. And trust me, I did try to look for it in our relationship for 8 long months. But I could not and it's not my fault.
So everything that you have done can't be forgotten. I won't let myself forget it. In fact, it was such a blessing in disguise. You made me realise that I was swimming oceans for people who won't cross bridges for me.
You made me realise that love is not what you see but it's what you feel. You made me realise that love doesn't hurt but it heals. You made me realise that you're not the one for me.
To find a man is like house hunting. You can rent it and you temporarily stay in it but you won't settle until you step into a structure of the same material of sand and cement but a different feeling called "home".
So thank you my ex. I have no hatred towards you and this is my closure.
- the girl who wasn't your cup of tea.