So What If My Body Can't Make A Baby? I'm Still A Real Mother

Anonymous Anonymous in Life Is Tough on 25 June, 2019

I don't know how many women out there are struggling to become mommies. I am one of them, and I know what it's like to have so much love to give but not sure where to give it. But then, I discovered something in my life and I want you to hear me out.

I have spent six years being a wife to my husband. And you know what 21st century marriages are like, right? We just wanted some time together in the beginning. So we spent two years without stressing out about a baby. Eventually, our parents began to talk to us about having a family of our own. So we began taking this baby business seriously.

In the third year of our marriage, we started with 100% confidence that we'd have a baby within the year. Six months went by and I was still not pregnant. That's when we went to a doctor to check out if something was happening in our bodies that we were clueless about.
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No prizes for guessing- I had PCOD. It's one of the most common conditions that women get affected by. There was a chocolate cyst in my right ovary that I immediately got removed. But instead of solving the problem, it created new ones for me.
My right ovary got completely damaged, and then my left ovary wasn't producing good eggs. Despite this major setback, I didn't have the time to stop and resent my circumstances. The minute my doctor said, IUI could help, I got started on that.

IUI is its own variety of heartbreak.

I attempted it five times and each and every time, there was no baby. I was depressed beyond anything I can ever bring myself to describe. How could everything I do become so futile? Was there even a point in living my life? It's crazy. We live in a digital world where I can scroll through Instagram and distract myself. Except, I am that woman where I get targeted ads for baby rompers or maternity bras. It sucked. And don't even ask me how many times I considered unfollowing my own friends.

But I had to keep going. The next logical step was IVF. I went to the best IVF doctor in Mumbai. It was the same person celebrities go to as well. But you know what? That also failed. Two rounds of IVF happened, and there was no baby. I walked out of there after spending five lakh rupees.

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Did that stop me? No.

I don't know if it was optimism or stupidity, but I had it in me to go for one more round of IVF. This time, there was a different result- the worst possible one yet. Instead of getting pregnant, I began having severe piercing sensations in my breasts. I had to have a mammogram.

I had ended up getting multiple cysts in both my breasts and my doctor immediately put a stop to the IVF as a result. The only silver lining was that the cysts were not cancerous. I keep having them checked in case they become cancerous, but for now, I still have the life I'm owed. But it was still not the life I wanted.

I was left with zero hopes. I didn't think I would ever have a baby. My husband, my parents, and in-laws were my pillars at this time. For that, I'm blessed. I don't think I'll have another phase in my life that will be this bad, and my family made sure I was loved and needed the whole time.

The year 2017 brought some new hope for us. It was not what I had expected, but I can't think of how I would live my life without my Scooby baby! Who is this, you ask? Well, this little champion is my dog. Our friend's dog had a litter of puppies and we brought Scooby home. We became dog parents and Scooby became the source of joy and positivity in our lives.

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I couldn't help but wonder- Couldn't I love anyone in this world? Scooby showed me that it was completely possible to bring something strange, new, and wet into my life and be someone who would dedicate my life to its happiness and growth.

So in September 2018, my husband and I took a big step. It was life-altering, and our family gave us their full support. We went on the CARA website and filled up all the required forms to adopt a baby. The process takes it time, but there are no hassles.

One fine day, a CARA representative came home and properly studied us. Yes, they trust us to take care of a child well.

Now, we wait. Within two years, we will bring home a baby girl. I don't know her yet and she's probably not even here right now. But I know that there is no one else in the world who will love her as I do.

Parenthood comes with unconditional love. And often, it begins before there is even a baby in sight. When all hope is lost, there are still babies in the world who need us and want us to be their mommies. And for that, adoption is a giant opportunity.

No matter what, I want you to know that your struggle to become a mother will pay off. You're going to blame yourself for failing, you're going to struggle even while you pay the best doctor on the planet.

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I'll tell you what- a mother without a baby is still a mother. And I hope that you have it in your heart to go and find your baby if your body can't make one on its own.

God didn't just make childless couples. God made sure that parentless children can finally come home.

Editor's Note:

All mothers' love is made equal but mothers themselves come in their own unique packages. Whatever your motherhood story is, we want to hear it. We want to celebrate the mother that you are.