My name is Aswindh, and I’m an unemployed 23-year-old who has a lot of expectations for love and marriage. This is the story of my first and last love, of a girl I met when I was 15, in my tuition class. Her name is Sanjan, and the first time I met her, I thought she was a mysterious and slightly rude girl. There was something in her eyes that made me feel like she was hiding something.
Over time, I did realize that she was having a miserable life. I actually once considered her my enemy, but after talking to her, I became her confidante. She shared her sorrows and troubles with me and I’d try to find my own ways to help her.
We became best friends, and I truly mean, just best friends. I never had any feelings for her, until one of my friends told her that I was in love with her- this, of course, was without my knowledge. Her reply to him got me angry, she told him that if I had a backbone, I’d have come and told her this myself. That day I decided to propose to her, just to find out that she doesn’t think of me like that. She said it calmly and I did the same. We stayed good friends.
One day she stopped coming to class. A few days passed and I realized something inside me. I missed her. And not in a way that a friend misses another friend, but I truly missed her. I missed her company and I missed her presence. And that’s when it hit me, I loved her. I searched all over the school for her, but I couldn’t find her anywhere. None of my friends had seen her either. Days and months passed me by, but I couldn’t get her out of my mind. I kept searching for her face in the crowd, but never found it.
One day, I got an audio message from an unknown number. I knew it was her as soon as I heard it. I was thrilled. We began talking and texting and soon planned our meetings. I never proposed to her again. We continued talking as friends, went back to the way we were. Almost, until one day, I got a call from her at night. She was crying, actually, weeping. I asked her what happened and she told me that she thinks she’s in love with me. It had been over a year now since I had proposed to her and she had declined, but I was just as happy.
We joined the same school for our studies and we were so happy to just be with each other and discover our dreams together. We even got intimate a couple of times and it was beautiful. The only thing I didn’t like about her was that she was addicted to Facebook. She loved meeting new guys and I knew that this was going to be the end of our relationship one day. And for once, I hate that I was this right.
She met a guy called Vivek and she started talking to him and they were sexting. The reason she did this was only that I had asked her not to. All of this luckily didn’t break us, we lasted for another six long years.
We did fight in the craziest ways possible, but somehow, I managed to win her back, always. As years passed, she began hating me and soon cheating on me too. I found out later, that she had slept with another guy too. But none of this helped me in letting her go. I got hurt, day by day; I was dying.
On my birthday, she disappeared from her home. She planned it months ago, to leave me and go somewhere far. I almost collapsed, when I read the note that she had left for me at her house. I’ve lost her forever. And with her gone, I lost myself too.
It’s been over two years now, but she’s still in my memories. I’ve tried my best to forget her, but I’ve loved her, truly and can’t seem to find a way out of it. I’ve dreamed of a whole life with her, and I know that it’s only my fault that she’s gone.
If you’re reading this, I want you to know that I love you with all my heart, and I want you back.