I am writing this story today – 619 days after she broke up with me. Yes, it was “her” breakup.
Both of us entered into this relationship mutually. But she was the only one who decided to break up with me.
Both of us should have taken the decision of breaking up also mutually, isn’t it? But then I can’t even tell this to her because she is not a part of my life anymore.
Sometimes, love gives us the strength to fight with the whole world. Sometimes exactly the opposite happens. Sometimes we live our lives for the other person. We love the other person so much that we forget to live our own lives.
Now I am just living for the sake of my parents. I never thought that my life would get embroiled in love like this. My life has become a vicious circle now. It is full of negative emotions. I have lost all my inner peace. I have lost all the things that I valued the most in my life.
Some people think that if we stay away from the people whom we loved in the past, we can forget them easily. This statement does not apply to me at all. She lived in Ranchi earlier. She's been living in Kerala for the past one year. But that doesn't affect me anymore. I just know that I haven't seen her for several days. I haven't spoken to her for aeons now. But things continue to remain the same for me.
When you love someone truly and purely – things like distance, place, and time cease to matter.
I am unable to see her or talk to her. But such things don’t matter to me even now. But for her, it is something else altogether.
I guess some people come into our lives just to stay with us for some time. They enjoy their lives with us for that brief span of time and then leave us. They will not even bother about our condition after they leave us. Sadly, they don’t even want to know about our condition. Such people just come into our lives to teach us something – that’s it. They don’t even realize that they have destroyed us mentally, emotionally and physically.
Yes, this kind of hurt manifests itself physically too. For months after she left me, whenever I thought of her, I would have a strange kind of pain in my chest. I would find it difficult to breathe. Sometimes the pain became so unbearable that I would feel as if I was suffocating. I felt as if I was in hell at such times. I still get that same suffocating feeling even today.
Some people think that cheating means breaking the trust of another person. In reality, it is a lot more than that. She killed me that day. She killed my existence. She killed my spirit. I simply did not exist for her anymore. Had I existed in her life – she would never have done this to me.
Only people who ‘play with our emotions’ do such things. First, she cheated on me. Then she demoralized me. She broke up with me after using harsh words.
Words can destroy our souls. I was clueless about what exactly was happening to me that day.
Now, I can’t believe anyone else. In fact, I don’t want to believe anyone. She made my life hell. I have literally been living in hell for the past 619 days. I know I have changed as a human being. I don’t talk to anyone now – not even my closest friends. I don't want to meet anybody. I like to live solo. Nowadays, I have started fighting with people. I tell them whatever comes to my mind. I have become short-tempered. I am unable to sleep soundly. I have lost my appetite. Her actions replay themselves in my mind repeatedly. These are the lines that come to my mind often these days:
“If it is pure and real,
If he/she has cheated on you,
Then you have to suffer for the rest of your lives,
It does not matter who came into your life,
Even that person cannot heal your pain.”
The most important thing is that a small part of me still loves her and wants her to come back into my life.