I was an ideal daughter to my parents, who was kept and displayed like a trophy to others. I was everything they ever wanted me to be - soft, calm, thinking about others first always, obedient, helpful and many more nice things as per society. My parents let me study till whenever I wanted to. I did my post graduation. Now my parents wanted a perfect groom and a perfect family for their daughter.
They found a match as per their desire and got me married.
As every marriage has ups and downs, mine too did. I compromised, I did everything to be with my husband. He was the first love of my life and I wanted him to be the last one also. We had happy days and sad days as well. But we moved forward happily. My husband is well educated and has a very respectable business. He used to take care of me. He used to love me. We had an amazing time together, except for a few days when we would fight and not talk to each other. But this is common in any successful marriage right?
But only one strange thing with him is that he never talks to me.
When I insist, he says what is there to talk to me about and walks out. I thought it was a man thing. I never gave up talking to him, if not for a two-sided conversation, at least I always shared and spoke to him. It was always one-sided. And every conversation ended with my husband making fun of me or him being offended. He is moody and short tempered. So I never understood when he got angry and for what. Whenever he was in anger, he never talked to me till he calmed down. Sometimes he did not talk for days. So to avoid this situation I reduced talking to him. This resulted in less fighting and bad days.
Then I got used to being with him, I have accepted all the negatives and positives. I really love him.
We had an adorable baby girl a year back. That's 2 years after our marriage. Our baby is one year old and our happy marriage is 3 years. Today all of a sudden, my husband said, “you and the baby were one of the mistakes of my life”. I was shocked to hear this. I wanted to kill myself immediately. But I have a daughter to live for, so I passed the thought of suicide. My husband blamed me and the baby for his so-called "unsuccessful" life and the reason he is depressed. He said he should have not married me in the first place. I kept calm and asked for a reason, he responded that we both are so different. He said he wants someone like him, someone who is successful and career oriented and educated in life. I was shocked to hear that! Now I recalled the facts in my mind while all this was going on: 1) I am a postgraduate, is that not being educated? 2) I was career oriented. I was working before marriage and after marriage also. I quit my job during the time of my delivery. I am very busy, taking care of the baby all by myself. My husband never helped. He hired a servant and said his duty is over. I don't complain. I am doing my best for the baby. 3) I moved to a small town from a metropolitan city for him where there was very limited opportunity for me to find work. But I found a job and worked after marriage. Later after my daughter was born I shifted to a village with him because of his job. Now I have close to zero opportunities to find work. And he says I do not do anything.
How can my husband love me and our baby if he thinks we are mistakes?
I can't share my sorrow with my in-laws nor with my parents. I feel like shouting loudly and breaking everything! Anyway I think this is the life God chose for me.