My First Love Wasn't My Last And That's Actually A Good Thing

Anonymous Anonymous in Life Is Tough on 20 September, 2017

It all began when we were in high school. We were good friends but never thought that we’d reach a stage when we’d want to take things forward. Before passing out of school, I realized that she was the one and I asked her out. A week later, she said yes.

I remember the first time we held hands: my heart was pounding in my chest and my hands felt numb and alive, at the same time. We started college together. Days and months passed us by and all the while, I was sure that she was the one that I was going to end up with forever.

During the final years of my engineering, I had to start supporting my family. I started tuition classes while simultaneously studying for my own syllabus. She was my backbone and always supported me.

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Soon, it was time for us to think about our future. I wanted to join the army and started appearing for the SSB’s. It was in this time, that I couldn’t manage to find time to spend with her too, but she was understanding and despite this, we pulled through. Finally, I got a job with an MNC and it was then, that we decided to tell our parents about us. Despite being from two different castes, my family was pleased with her and were ready to see where things would go. Hers, unfortunately, were not.

Soon, she began drifting away from me. We were both placed in the same company, but unfortunately, our locations were different: I was in Hyderabad and she was in Chennai.

I decided that I would talk to her parents as soon as I was back on my first break. Simultaneously though, our conversations reduced from two phone calls a day, to one call every two weeks. I knew we were failing, but yet, had only faith in us.

After two months, of hard work, I knew it was time to ask for her hand in marriage. I was confident to talk to her parents, and called to give her this good, no great, news!
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“We are done. I’m sorry.” Her reply left me in shock, “This isn’t going to work.” I couldn’t say anything. I tried to convince her, but she refused to listen to me.

When I came home during my first break, I found out that her marriage was finalized already. With a senior from our college. Apparently, they had been talking for quite some time now. Days went by, I couldn’t believe that the one I had worked so hard for, had left me without even a thought.

When I confronted her about this, she had nothing comforting to say to me, except that this was an arranged marriage and she would do what her parents chose for her. I thought our love, our history, our friendship still had a chance, and so when I was transferred to Chennai for work, I tried to get in touch with her and meet her as often as possible.

When we’d meet, for some reason I kept thinking that we’d happen, that fairy tales do exist, and romance always wins.

One evening, when we were sitting with our friends and talking about her fiancé, her story didn’t add up- I kept asking her questions, but eventually, it seemed like I was interrogating her in front of our friends, so stopped. That night, I went online and entered her old password to her accounts, she hadn’t changed it yet.

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That night, I went online and entered her old password in her accounts, she hadn’t changed it yet. And what I found there, shocked me to my core. She had been talking to our senior ever since the day we left high school, and their conversations were not platonic. I confronted her about this, at first, she denied it, but when I showed her screenshots of the chats that I had taken, she told me everything.

How they had started talking, but she didn’t know how to tell me about him. How she had given up on us, long before I had even realized. How she loved him and was definitely going to marry him.

With nothing else left to say to her, I left her. I walked away, without turning back. And that was the last day I ever saw her or spoke to her again.

I won’t lie, I went into depression for several months after this, and more so when I found out that her wedding dates were confirmed. But I have faith, in life and in myself. I know that she is a lesson, soon I’ll figure out why- but for now, I’m just going to focus on getting stronger and focus on my work.