Confession Husband Love Relationships arranged marriage

I Didn't Know He Is The Reason For My Existence Till That Very Dreadful Night

( words)
*For representational purpose only.

I had always been an independent, strong minded girl and that’s how my parents brought me up. I graduated in 2007 and had been working since then. My parents started finding alliance for me since my graduation but nothing really clicked.

I concentrated on my work and career, and then suddenly my marriage was fixed. When I was about to turn 30, I had already passed over the 'crush' phase, 'butterfly in the stomach' phase and 'dreaming about marriage' phase.

We had a simple marriage like I always wanted. I liked him instantly because he was very understanding and a good listener. But I was not really sure if I had fallen in love with him yet or not until that “particular” day about four months after marriage.

He was late that evening. I knew sometimes his meetings got extended. But that day he was very late. It was beyond the usual "late" which is 11 pm maximum. I lost my patience and started calling him. But his number wasn’t reachable.

Every time the seconds needle moved on the clock, I felt a needle prick my heart. I always thought that I was an emotionally strong soul. I knew really well that I was the kind of girl who always thought through her brain and not her heart, but that day I hated my brain for over thinking. I realized how dangerous thoughts could be that day. Every second I would get a new ugly thought about him being late. I don’t want to write about them here because they were really scary.

I lost my mind when it was really late, almost 30 minutes to midnight, I only had one sentence repeatedly going on in my head and in prayers "God please, I do not want anything else in my life, I just want him to enter this door."

I don’t want to go into details but those 3 hours of waiting made me realize how much of my existence is entwined with his presence. How I do not see myself as a complete human being in his absence. How much I need him around me, to just "Be Me". How much I want him to be there for me to even breathe.

In that very moment when I heard his voice, it was the scariest and happiest moment of my life. I cried, like I have never cried before.

That’s when I realized- what is between us – it’s not just LOVE, it’s something beyond that. It’s more like our "REASON FOR EXISTENCE".

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