Am I hurt? Yes. Did you hurt me? Yes. Do I still trust you? Yes. Will you again hurt me? Yes.
Am I an idiot? That is something I will leave to the readers to guess. I don't think it will be very difficult for anybody to come to that conclusion. Yes, I think I am an idiot. I am a different breed of human beings. We never think before doing something for the one we love. Most importantly, the one we love never becomes two. We fall in love only once in our life and we live out the rest of our life with or without that one person. The version of me, who is speaking right now, will probably be one of those who will live out his life without the 'one'.
It hurts when I realize that you don't love me anymore,
It hurts to know that your lips want someone else's, more than it wants mine. It hurts a lot, more than you could ever imagine. I don't know why I still stick around to know the details, why I stick around to listen to your rejection stories. Rejection for me is on a whole different level than you could ever imagine.
Even after 8 years, I am still the friend you need and I still look at you, as the love I need. Though I never get what I really want, I try to make sure that at least you, get what you want. There is no need for the both of us, to be sad over what we didn't get, at least one of us should be happy.
I don't know how much more, I will keep on wishing that you were mine, as it will never affect the truth. You are not mine, probably never mine, to begin with. But my foolish heart never understands that and it will never realize the truth, even if it is looking at it straight at its face. I am that idiot, who knows that he is in a world of pain, but still won't leave, because of that one person in that world.
I am really a world class idiot.
You asked me one day, as to why I stay with you, even after all the things you did to me. I was really proud of what I said. "It's because I fell in love, with a stupid girl back in high school. I never thought that I will still be in love with her."
I know you don't love me, but I still love you anyway.
I have consciously chosen this life so that I can be near you. To an extent, I can even call myself abnormal on a mental level. My brain is so used, to your presence that it fails to let you go, even if you cause me pain. Maybe I have become paranoid, I am obsessed with you. Yes, love does have that kind of effect. I am one of those guys who thinks it's probably better, to keep the one you love happy, rather than think of your own happiness. Utterly stupid & idiotic. The other person doesn't even care, about how I feel, but I am still being a complete asshole to myself. Life has never ever, been so f**ked up for me. But now, it seems like it's out of my hands. I don't try to impress you, I don't try to be with you, I don't try to push you away,
In fact I do nothing. I am just standing still, waiting for the storm to get over.
But it never ever does. I hope that someday, this pain will ease. That someday, you will be happy and that someday, I can start smiling, without thinking if you are there or not.