It Hurts To Be 'Just Friends' With The Love Of My Life And I Regret Ruining Everything

Anonymous Anonymous in Life Is Tough on 14 July, 2017

2013-14

There was guy in my class during 11th and 12th standard. One day, we were sitting in a library and he was playing with books. The book he was throwing around hit me hard and I was furious at him. My image about him instantly became negative. But the minute we entered class again, he apologized to me really sweetly and it changed my mind. I thought he was a really polite and nice guy.

January 2014

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In 11th standard we had a school trip from Mumbai to Goa and there the story starts- in Goa, we had a DJ night and I was wearing a black dress.

I like to think that when he saw me, it was love at first sight for him.

After this trip, we became good friends. At that time, he had begun liking me, but I was already dating someone else. Eventually, that relationship with my boyfriend turned out to be the worst! By the time I broke up and got over him, it was November 2014.

We met again at my friend's birthday party and I asked him to drop me home afterwards. He agreed.

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On our way home, he remarked that I was blushing. And that's when it occurred to me that I also felt that we had something together.

After a few days, he proposed to me while we were chatting on Facebook. I said yes, but for the next two months, I ended up dealing with the turmoil of working my ex out of my system and accepting my new love. After that, this relationship went so well that it gave me the best memories of my life!

Eventually, we finished school and went our different ways, but we were still together. For two years, everything went well, until I ruined it all by cheating on him. I don't know why I did that. I really don't.

Maybe because he had become busy and his priorities had changed, maybe because I needed someone and he wasn't there. But he had done so much for me, and had loved me more than anything else in the world. I regret what I did every single day and I hate myself for hurting him. Even then, he gave us a chance to start over. But we couldn't handle it. He would hurt me and I would say things that would kill him on the inside.

One day, I ended things with him. But it didn't take me long to realize that I'm a fool for leaving him. How can I be with anyone else when my heart belongs to him? I couldn't live without him. I apologized, I realized that it was a big mistake for us to be apart, I knew who I loved. But it was too late, and he had moved on. I keep hoping, but we may never get back together. We're still friends and it kills me that we can't have more. Maybe this is karma. When he needed me, I wasn't around. When I need him, he isn't around.

All I know is that I will love him forever. 
Editor's Note:

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