I'm In Love With My Best Friend But I'll Never Tell Him Because I Need Him

Swarnali Das Swarnali Das in Life Is Tough on 21 June, 2017

I wish I could speak to you. Tell you about the funniest things that happened in my day, or the worst parts of it. But I have my limitations. I’m not your girlfriend, I’m just a friend of yours. Nothing more, nothing less.

What I really feel like doing is, calling you when I’m having a bad day, or telling you how I hate parties or about the annoying people I encounter in the train… or just about anything.

I know friends can talk to each other about these things, but you’ve created these barriers between us. I respect them, because I respect you. 
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I do have feelings for you. I can’t express it and I won’t even… because I remember the one time I did, and you just ran. That day, I saw a glimpse of what it’d be like to lose you. Luckily, you came back, but now, I’ve promised myself to survive with this unrequited love. So, I will silently love you.

I will be your friend from the distance that you feel comfortable at. Because that’s the only way I’ll get all of you.

When I see you with your girlfriend, I’m not jealous. I mean, yes of course, the butterflies stop when I see you around her. When I watch you two holding hands or bump into you’ll at my favourite coffee shop.

But the butterflies aren’t going away, not anytime soon at least. It’s just me with my secret feelings for you. I don't have too many friends in my life. You’re one of the few that I trust.

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In spite of everything, when I feel like telling you something about myself, or a secret or just about anything, I stop myself. There’s so much I’d like to share with you, but I’ve found that eating helps me stay calm and not lose you, again.

I get to talk to you, I get to see you and I get to have you in my life… I think your happiness is what I’ve always wanted. It doesn’t matter, that you’re always going to be my unrequited love.

And as for the pain, it does hurt, sometimes a lot, but it doesn’t matter, because I have you, as my friend. I still love you and adore you and I hope you understand this.