I'm In A New Country Struggling With A New Language: Welcome To My Married Life

Anonymous Anonymous in Life Is Tough on 26 July, 2017

It was the middle of night and I heard beeps from my husband's phone. I got up to turn it to silent mode so that we could sleep peacefully. That is perhaps the last peaceful sleep I could ever have! The messages from the lady clearly demonstrated that he was trying to hook up her through an app... or perhaps just make more than good friends by impressing the other one. I didn't want to peek in as I thought this would only make it worse for me. I didn't want to ask him as I respected his space. I was also not prepared to hear about it.

The whole night I tried to convince myself that there may be various reasons for this to have happened. Firstly, it was almost two years since we had been together, there is nothing new to explore. We have reached a stagnation period and everybody wants to have new friends, new experiences and new women whom they can impress and feel good about themselves.

His friends don't call or go out with me in his absence, so I made some friends, unfortunately all of them are men and that makes him possessive. I failed to find women in a new area who would be willing to go to cafes and stroll around on some random evening.

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I tried to bring my friends when my husband and his friends were hanging out, but it never materialized. I asked my husband to come over with us whenever I planned an evening with them, but he never joined. I was helpless in a new town and in dire need of sharing my thoughts with people while looking for a job and learning a new language.

My husband was no longer my friend. I stopped sharing my thoughts with him as he would make fun of the way I speak and it would hurt.

We started going to salsa classes, where the partners were changed every few minutes for us to learn faster. My husband stood up to change partners and I discovered that I was dancing better without him. He came back and we realized that I couldn't understand his signals, to which he commented that I am an Indian wife and very stubborn. I hated that moment and never thought that he would ever pass such a comment.

His sexual insecurities perhaps could be another cause. I need it way more than him and he just cannot manage that deal. I do try to comfort him in the best possible way but I still can understand his insecurity.

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I should just find a job and confront him. If he says he is not happy with me or wishes to lead a new life, I should get a divorce, fix the family issues and move on! God knows what was on his mind when he joined that app. And today he says that he will be at work till 10, and I don't believe him of course. He's doing all this for her messages.

I hope this gets sorted out and I understand what's going on. Or I'll have to find a way to move on. Either way, I don't trust him anymore. 

Editor's Note:

Share this story because women shouldn't blame themselves for their husbands' mistakes.