I didn’t realize that forgetting someone would be difficult until it actually happened to me. This story begins when I changed my school in the 11th and met him as a competitor, of course. Till the 12th, I was a bookworm. My only aim was to top my class and in school, he was a rival. For two years, he was in the same school as I was and all that we spoke about was, “who will top this year?” Luckily, I did. And it was after this that everything began.
We both got admission in the same city, but different colleges that were co-incidentally, part of the same university. We exchanged words, in the second year of college, when I bumped into him at his college. Our friendship grew with time and I found in him, my best friend. Those were the best days. We both used to laugh remembering our school days. But with time, I began feeling something different for him.
I began having these fantasies. I did have a bunch of crushes, but I never trusted boys. And one day out of nowhere, he called me to tell me that he likes me and that even though we were best friends, he began seeing me in a different way. I didn’t tell him then, but I too had developed feelings for him. I didn’t want any commitment but I couldn’t hide my feelings from him. And all I could say was, “I like you too, but I’m not sure in the same way…”
I’m not sure what happened after this. Things changed between us; he began ignoring me, my calls and my messages. I realized I never deserved a relationship like this one, and accepted my fate.
I felt like I should try and reach out to him, be his friend, but that wasn’t an arrangement that he wanted. He began talking to me only when he wanted to, not when I needed him. And me, being blind in this friendship, didn’t realize that I should have behaved in a similar manner. Instead, I was at his beck and call. He made me feel so guilty for not loving him the way he wanted me to.
I stopped sharing things with him. He didn’t seem to care. One day, I found out that he was leaving, the city, for his Masters. When I called him, to congratulate him, he picked up and said, “who is this?” Clearly, he had deleted my number. He claims to not have recognized my voice.
Till now, I haven’t forgotten him. I’m scared to trust anyone now. I feel like I was nothing more than a means to an end that he couldn’t reach, at the time. That incident completely changed me.
This was my first love story and the one that failed too. I guess, some things are just not meant to be. I don’t blame him for walking away, but I wish he could have put our friendship first.