To my saying, I consider myself to be a brave girl. However, confessing my feelings to you, I don’t think I have the courage to do that. Fear of rejection? No, not that. I know we will not work out with me moving away and you graduating soon. I am pretty sure you don’t feel the same way as I do too.

So, what is it that I fear? Fear that things might get awkward or that our friendship might be ruined.

Writing how I feel here might be a way for me to express how I feel without ruining anything. I love you. I know I will always love you even if we never end up together. I don’t remember when I fell in love with you. Probably, the first time I saw you when we were put together in the group project. You annoyed me really quickly with your playful banters.

Then, you smiled. Oh, my lord, your beautiful dimples melted my heart.

The more I got to know you, the deeper and more intense my feelings became. I thought we would have more time together before we go our separate ways. Maybe something more will develop in that time. However, I have two weeks and I know nothing is going to happen, nothing will ever happen. It breaks my heart a little. The moments we spent together have made me a better person. You made me want to be better.

I learned to love myself, to put myself as a priority, to chase my goals, to dream big, to work on myself. I think you helped me to be more mature.

I am eternally grateful for that. My previous relationships were toxic. Just as I was about to lose hope, you came along, showing me there are still good guys out there. You showed me what kind of guy I deserve. If you were right in front of me, and I had the courage to say exactly what I felt, then this is what I would say without holding back, “I love you. I love you so much! I want to be yours and I want you to be mine. I want to hold and be held. To be buried in cuddles. I want you to tell me your stories, I want to tell you all my stories. I want to play video games with you. I want you to read me a book. I want to discuss random things with you. I want to feel your lips. Your kisses and hugs. You feel like home. I feel safe and calm when I am with you. I want to meet your family, be a part of them. I know you would love my family too. They would love you as much as they love me. I want to be married to you. I want us to have adorable babies. I want us to go on vacations. I want us to argue and then makeup. I know we would have so much trust in one another and we would not do anything to hurt the other person. I want to grow old with you. I want to love you until my last breath.”

As the saying goes, “You need two things for love – chemistry and timing.”

We have chemistry, but timing is a bitch. I love you, but I love myself more. I know I have to let you go. You are my ‘the one who got away.’ If there is a next birth, I hope the universe brings us back and let us stay together. In this lifetime, I truly hope you find someone you love, and I hope they love you very much. I wish you every happiness life offers. I will always love you!

 xxx

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