I Was Senselessly In Love With Him And I Did Whatever It Took To Be That Way

Anonymous Anonymous in Life Is Tough on 20 July, 2018

I was an ambitious girl, who came 1000 miles away from her home to an unknown city to pursue my degree in Business Administration.

My mom always took great care of me and my sister. She granted all our wishes without any hesitation, but that didn't mean we were spoilt. She would reprimand us whenever we went wrong. My first year in college was uneventful, but I did make a bunch of good friends. It had become a routine, just hostel to college and vice-versa for me. My social life was limited to rare outings to nearby cheap places during the weekends, but only till 6 pm because of my hostel's curfew. Even then, I was content that I was away from home and finally living on my own, without being scrutinized under the gazes of my relatives. I did really well in my academics and became active in social services.

When I finally thought I had my life figured out, I did something which started trouble for me that I would never have imagined.
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A friend of mine introduced me to Rishab. This was actually done through the comment section on Instagram. Two days later, he sent me a request. I accepted and followed him back. One day, I replied to one of his insta-stories and then we started texting each other.

We clicked off really well from the beginning, though it was just through rare conversations, as both of us were busy with our classes.

Then one day, he fell sick from Chicken Pox and went to his hometown. From then onwards, our texts became more frequent. We exchanged numbers and started talking to each other, throughout the night till early in the morning. Every time he called or complimented me, my heart skipped a beat. He used to send many couples based quotes and pictures, but I never dared to ask him what our relationship status was.

Finally, the day I met him came around and that was when I had my very first kiss.
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It was a special occasion for me. Strangely, after that, he started cutting me off. He used to tell me that he was just too busy with his studies, as he had lost track of many classes already. One day, I spontaneously went to his apartment, which was one hour from my place, though it was late at night. That night, he held my hands and told me that no one had done so much for him and that he liked the connection between us. I didn't dare to open my mouth and say I wanted more.

I didn't want to ruin anything we had at that moment. I was senselessly in love with him.

My stays at his place became more frequent and one day, we had sex. This single act, made me become more emotionally attached to him and him to become more detached towards me. Whenever he did not call or text me or even ask how I was, I felt really left out. 'The Talks' become more frequent. Whenever we did it in bed, he used to tell me that he didn't want anything serious and I ended up accepting the same though I wanted the exact opposite. This routine went on for months.

There were times when he really tried to talk me out of it, but whenever we met, we ended up making out and having sex, making it really difficult for me.

One day, when I went to his place to get a final closure, he told me that he was now seeing someone else and that I should not come to his place ever again. It felt like someone stabbed my heart. In this story, he was not the bad guy and neither was I. It was my fear of losing him. He was the first man, who held me close in a passionate way and complimented me in a way no other guy did.

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Even now, when I see him with his new girlfriend, I feel a terrible pain in my heart.

We don't talk or text each other anymore. Maybe one day, as my friend told me, I will be able to completely get over him and make that phone call, in which I can talk to him without any feelings involved. Guys, any relationships should be healthy. Whether it is friends with benefits or no string attached. It shouldn't emotionally drain you. I am happily past that circumstance, but I need to be more focused on myself now.

I hope that someone just for me will find me someday.
Editor's Note:

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