I just want to express all my suffocation due to this relationship. My life has turned into hell. I don’t have any idea as to how to get out of this relationship. I wish I was strong enough to bear the pain of my previous breakup. I wish I was more patient in making the decision of my life. I wish I was mature.

In 2014, I had a break up of my ten year long relationship. I was so blindly in love with him and thought that he would marry me. After getting a government job, he started getting good proposals. They offered good amount of dowry. Meanwhile I had stopped eating and fought with my parents for him. I wanted to prove it to them that I would die without him. Finally, after a lot of emotional blackmail, my parents agreed.

When I asked to his parents' opinion, he told me that his parents were not ready for marriage and he didn’t want to disappoint them.

I didn't know it back then. He was already engaged. I got to know about his engagement through a mutual friend. I cried and ended up been hospitalized. Somehow, I was trying to get over my break up. To get out of this depression, I planned a trip with a gang of a few known and unknown people to some hill station. I happened to meet a guy. He was funny. He made me laugh and I felt happy after a long time.

After coming back from the trip, he proposed to me. He always appreciated me and tried to make me laugh all the time. I did not accept his proposal but due to loneliness, I ended up saying yes.

I started to hang out with this guy. He proposed me for marriage and introduced me to his parents. I met his parents and I liked them. It was all like a dream come true. I dreamt of a boy who took me home without being ashamed of introducing me to his friends.

He told me about his one sided love story. He talked about one mutual friend with whom he had an intimate relationship. It was all fine with me as I liked his honesty. I planned to make him feel special on his birthday. I planned his birthday with all his friends. I even invited one of his former girlfriends as they were good friends. 

During the birthday party, he went to her and started addressing her as 'Jaanu'. I felt very awkward. But later when I asked him about it, he defended himself by saying that he was trying to make me feel jealous. After that day, with the help of one of our mutual friends, I got to know that he often flirted with girls. He was an online sex chat addict. He met other girls while dating me. Whenever I caught him, he made excuses. He used to say that online flirting is okay as its virtual world and he is not going to meet any of those girls anyway.

I opposed this and threatened to leave him. Once I was with him and he was sending 'Love you messages to some other girl. When I scrolled through his messages, he reasoned it out saying that he was trying to make her fall for him in order to seek revenge. He said that he would dismiss her the moment she fell in love with him. After two years of this relationship he was a changed man. He wasn't flirting with others anymore. But he forced me to get married to him. I agreed under a lot of pressure. Now he blames me for everything. He never appreciates my efforts to make this work between us.

I feel so negative and I really don't know how to get rid of him. I want to get divorced. I don't know how to spend the rest of my life with this man. One should never be in a hurry to get into a relationship especially after a breakup. We pick up very cheap people in desperation whom we don’t even deserve. Be patient, be wise. 

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