I Was An Introvert When She Walked Into My Life And Changed Everything: I Ruined It

Anonymous Anonymous in Life Is Tough on 27 May, 2017

What can you expect from an introvert?

Sit alone in the room and think about stuff?
Separate oneself from people in a gathering ?
Talk to limited number of people ?
Keep a close circle of friends and consider them everything?

The answer to all of the above questions is “yes”. But what is the reason behind it? Why are introverts the way they are? Well, you’ll have to think like an introvert for a moment and read further.

My story began in my twenties. I was an introvert who was scared to do things, talk to people, or get along with them easily. Let me just say, I had very few friends. A girl being one of them, according to me, was impossible. But the silence broke after the first year of my MBBS where I had a crush on a girl for the first time in my life. My feelings for her deepened and I wanted to express what I felt for her. 

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But not every story ends happily, right?

So, I decided to approach someone from her friends’ circle. I chose the one whom I had spoken to earlier. I told her about my feelings for her friend and that’s when everything changed. 

Days passed as I started texting the friend regularly, keeping aside my crush. I began sharing everything about my life with her and showed interest in knowing more about her. All these things happened very quickly. You see, time passes quickly when good things happen! 

In no time, she became my best friend. The only one I ever had. It was special to me – an introvert having a girl for a best friend.
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Our friendship went great for quite a while – let’s say for about two and half years. Now we are people who know about each other completely and understand one another without the need for verbal expression. We did have our share of fights, ups and downs, and there were days where she was even disappointed in me. But she was the reason why I became the person I am right now. She made me talk to people and communicate better. 

Eventually, she became someone whom I confided every little thing in. I was the same for her too, but not for long. After those two and half years, she met someone, whom she started to like.

As the fear of losing my only best friend kicked in, my insecurities grew. I’m an introvert, you see.

With time, I felt that she was ignoring me. May be not ignoring, but changing priorities to know that guy better. Earlier, I could talk to her anytime I wanted, but now she was always busy on the phone with that person. 

A few months passed this way, and my insecurity grew in multiples. So one night, I texted her asking me to choose either him or me. What could a person do when someone important gives them an ultimatum? 

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I was her priority for sure, but she couldn’t leave him either. It was so stupid of me in asking her to choose. I grew impatient as she never gave a clear reply. According to her, my place in her life hadn’t changed. But where did my old friend go? The one whom I could approach whenever I wanted to?

Every time I called, the phone was busy. So I decided not to call her anymore. I told her the same and asked her to call me when she found some time from all the reasons she gave to ‘know the other guy’.

Now, she thinks I’m never going change the way I think about them and that she cannot talk to me properly. On the other hand, she cannot stop talking to that guy, too. Having a person to share things can be the best thing an introvert can get. I too, had a person like that and she isn’t there anymore. 

I am now replaced by another person, and when I ask her why she is always busy, her answer made me an introvert again, the one I had been two years ago. “So what? What if I talk to him? I cannot live without him.” 

It’s not her mistake. It was me who thought that a person can have only one friend whom he or she can share the joys and sorrows with. I failed to realize that priorities change. I cannot think about making another best friend because I had only one and will always have one. 

So I thought it’s better to remain an introvert. There are friends and then, there is that one best friend who is etched into your soul and they will forever remain the same. I might still be her best friend but let me tell you, she is not the friend I used to have anymore.
Author's Note:

This was not done to hurt you idiot (as I call her ) nor to tell you that I'm a great friend. It’s just that I wanted someone as my only best friend and couldn't get it completely. I wrote this hoping that, may be, it will change some day.