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I Regret Taking The Biggest Decision Of My Life When I Was Depressed

( words)
*For representational purpose only.

I was born in a conservative family. We are 4 siblings. My parents love me the most as I am the youngest one. We belong to a middle class family. I did my studies from good schools and colleges.

I was a happy girl in my teenage years. After that I went on the wrong path and no one was there to guide me towards the right direction. I didn't share anything with my family members because I knew they won't understand and will probably scold me or make fun of me. I had affairs with the wrong guys.

Finally I found a person who I thought was good enough to spend my whole life with. He was very humble and kind to me. I shared all my problems with him. I had lots of family problems, my career was not that good, I had nothing to be happy in life about and I was falling deep into depression. This guy listened to all my problems carefully and tried to make me happy. We used to go for outings, mall, dinner, movies etc.

Life was good. I forgot all my problems when I was with him. He came from a poor family, not good looking and less educated. I still liked him, he was a good human being. That time I was just looking for inner piece that I was getting from his company.

One day he invited me to his room. I hesitated but he had great influence in my life so I got ready. That day he kissed me and hugged me. He proposed to me but I didn't accept it. We were two different people from very different backgrounds. I was a sad person and my family problems became worse by the day.

I didn't have many friends. He was the only guy who was close to me. I used to visit his room regularly and we had a physical relationship. One day I realised that I was pregnant. I told him about this and we both opted for abortion. After that day I suffered from severe depression. I was not able to trust him again.

Our relationship became sore. I fought with him if he talked or even looked at any other girl. I cried a lot. He was also a changed person. He abused me mentally and physically. He said everything to me that hurt me. I didn't know what to do as I didn't have any support system.

If I tried to leave him, he'd start crying and make me emotional.

One day I just went ahead and married him, going against my family. I became so alone and I had failed to understand the value of my family. His family was poor and his father was doing nothing. He had the burden of everyone in his family. He himself was so disturbed because of them.

He is abusive with me and I can't do anything as there is nobody to support me. He has a problem with how I speak, I sit, I drink, I eat, everything. He just wants to make me feel low.

It's been five years of my marriage but I am so alone on the inside. I just wanted inner piece but I was happier when I was with my family. I just regret my decision of marrying him.

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