I Never Want To Be Alone Again But This Is The Only 'Love' I Have

Anonymous Anonymous in Life Is Tough on 22 January, 2018

My story isn't special in any way. It is not a cute love story. In fact, I feel confused and frustrated right now. Maybe I had always dreamt of having a beautiful love life.I believed in first love where everything seems so magical. I had always thought that we would end up being together for the rest of our lives.

But life doesn’t always give us what we ask or wish for.

My first love cheated on me. But that happened way back when I was in my high school. I always thought that I had loved him the most. I knew I would not be able to love anyone else in the same way.

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But then things are not always in our control.

I did date other guys after that but I never felt the same with anyone else again. After almost 8 years I met another guy when I was online. He was a smart, hot 25-year-old guy and a CA by profession. He messaged me on Facebook.

I don’t usually respond to Face book messages. But that day when I got his message, I felt like I should accept his request.

We started chatting on Facebook and then slowly moved on to WhatsApp and voice calls. He always had the time to call me even if he had a busy work schedule.

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When we met for the first time, things immediately clicked between us.

We ended up having drinks and went out for dinner that night. Even today, he tells me that he is into rum only because of me. We started meeting regularly. Things were going on smoothly in our lives and our relationship was progressing quickly.

We kissed when he proposed to me. And though I knew that I was slowly falling for him I told him that I just liked being with him.

We spent the next couple of months going out for dinner or spending time together in my place. One such day we ended up having sex.

Things between us were still fine but I could sense some changes in our relationship though I could not exactly pinpoint them.
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We still met once in a week and ended up making out. But our conversation had decreased. I tried asking him about it and wanted to discuss it with him. But he ignored me and said that I was overreacting.

Slowly things changed to such an extent that we would meet only when he was free now. Suddenly everything depended on his needs.

Sometimes we did not talk to each other for days together and I was always the one who called him up. He didn’t even bother to call me anymore. On one such day, I got a message from him. He had returned from his official trip and he said that he had ended up making out with some random girl when both of them were drunk. I was shattered. I wanted to ask him so many questions. But he just wasn’t bothered about how I was feeling.

He even ended up saying that he did not love me but did not love anyone else too. He then said that he had anyway never given me any kind of commitment.

He was the guy who had proposed to me months ago. He was the one who had told me that he loved me. And today he was breaking my heart by saying such things. I could not work anymore that day because I did not know what to do with what had happened. So I left my work midway and returned home.

My doorbell rang at around 10 p.m. When I went to open the door, I saw him standing outside. I just forgot everything immediately and asked him to get in.

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He said he was sorry and I decided to forgive him just like that. But things only worsened after that.

Unlike normal couples, we did not have any conversation at all. We would just send good morning and good night messages and call each other once in a while.We would meet whenever he wanted and end up having sex.

I know he is flirting with other random girls all the time. I have seen his chats too but I am very scared to confront him. I am scared that he will leave me. I know that I have become emotionally weak because of all this.
Author's Note:

I am Riya and I live in Mumbai – the city of dreams. I know he was the wrong person to fall in love with. I also know that this is not really working out for both of us but I am too scared to let him go away. I am scared of being lonely again. Please advise me. I don’t know what to do.

Editor's Note:

Share this story if you too feel that all our experiences and struggles always give us the courage to confront our fears.