I Married The Man Of My Choice But It's Not That Simple

Anonymous Anonymous in Life Is Tough on 3 August, 2017

I married a man of my choice, I married him by persuading my family. Yes I had a love marriage, I was in love with him for the reason that unlike the other guys who would shower their girls with gifts etc. he shared his time with me. He was intelligent and he still loved me 3 years down the line since I rejected his proposal and after getting too many proposals himself.

Yes I started loving him for the wrong reasons, but I loved him and have done as much as I could to maintain love in the marriage.

He was too possessive and was an entirely different person in anger. I just believed I could change this, I believed a person so deeply in love could never hurt his wife. But I was wrong. Right after our engagement, his time became precious, he would be busy, he will not talk to my family. And I thought since that's his nature, he will get adjusted to it.

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With him getting the rights on me after marriage, he got abusive both verbally and physically. He loved me no doubt, but the anger that he couldn't control took a toll of him and I could not recognise the person sitting in front of me. I was shocked as hell. I adjusted to the fact and with time his anger issues became a bit better. I left my job and started preparing for competitive exams after he convinced me to do that.

Yes I was a person with above average intelligence as per my friends as well as my husband. He also was preparing for the exams. We got busy with his studies. There still were too many disagreements between us but we managed to come out of them. Most of the times when I asked him to spend time with me, asked him to get intimate he would just ask me to focus on the exams. I thought may be he was just being cautious about my results.

But then came the shock of my life, he was actually in a virtual relationship with a girl, with whom he would chat, talk, make videos and share and what not to make her feel loved. They had all kinds of dirty chats with all the love too poured in.

I was pregnant when I got to know about all this and could not believe that he gave my share of his time and love to someone else.
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When I confronted him he was again too lovey dovey, cried for the first time, regretted and all but he did not stop and when I confronted him again, he would just ask me to leave rather than asking him to change his ways. Our son was born. I was occupied with him and then I get to know that he actually went to meet the girl when I was at my parents' place.

After my pursuance he is not in a relationship with that girl anymore but I cannot trust him now. I am staying with him for the sake of our baby whom he loves a lot and is very loving and caring towards me too at times when he is not busy with work. We have sex very rarely and God knows why I don't trust him. I don't doubt his love for me though.

But now comes this person in the picture - my first love, my school friend. When I loved him he had loved me too but we never confessed. He was about to propose to me when I stopped him just before we were all leaving for our college. I stopped him to wait for the right time but I don't know what he took it as and stopped talking to me as much as we used to earlier. I would wait for his call but it would come once in a blue moon. I was going through a lot in my personal life as well and then came the shoulder of the person who turned into my husband in my life.

Back to present we- me and my first love have started talking, we have started chatting. He still cares for me, he still loves me and for me of course, he is still my first love. I love my husband but I love my first love too. He is an awesome person with a golden heart. He understands me and tries his best to make me feel great. He is the one stopping our relationship from going on the romantic path and we are still best friends with a strong relationship. We have not met in person yet. He doesn't know that I have been betrayed by the person he thinks I am very happy with. He thinks I am unhappy just because my husband is not giving me time.

I really feel for him and miss him a lot, but I don't want him to know that I am unhappy for a bigger reason. I know even if I ever leave my husband, we cannot get married and actually I cannot leave my husband because he is the father of my child, he loves us both. Also I also cannot live without talking to my first love. I am stuck in a dilemma.

I don't want to betray my husband and do the same thing that he did to me, I wish my first love gets married happily and forgets that he ever loved me. Then may be I will be able to forget him because I can never be a part of his life and this time, I don't want to say goodbye first.