I Made One Stupid Mistake And Lost The Girl Who Loved Me Unconditionally

Anonymous Anonymous in Life Is Tough on 20 September, 2017

Love is probably the most complex thing known to mankind, after mathematics.

I used to be among those who wanted to wait for the right time, because we are told to set priorities, and mine was my career. But as they say, love is never planned, and it happened to me, in the most beautiful way.

She was the most beautiful face I had seen, pretty famous in college and everyone’s favorite eye candy. While I was this introvert and underconfident human, for whom the mere thought of being with her felt like a dream.

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Though we were very different - she was an out and out extrovert, a pro at networking while there was hardly anyone who knew my name in college - we came close, really close.

Those two and a half years now seem like a one-sided effort of trying to keep this relationship together.

Love to me was keeping her wishes, happiness and comfort above mine, no matter the situation. I compromised on my sleep (literally, due to the time difference for a few months) and even my career, spending every penny of the meagre salary I got back then on her. But all this was never appreciated, valued or even acknowledged.

But she claimed to love me, and love cannot be calculated or compared (according to her, which I somewhat agree to). And that is what kept me going.
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Cutting the long story short, I eventually gave up when all the apologies, promises and I love you’s became meaningless.But my story isn’t over yet, in fact, it starts here.

A few months down the line, having left the past behind, I crossed paths with another beautiful soul. Getting to know her and meeting her made me realize that probably, I had the wrong impression about the idea of love.

I loved someone when I had nothing else to look up to and made her my world, but this beautiful soul loved me even she had every other option and yet made me her world.

But poor me, being an idealist a*****e, I wanted to get over the past, yet be with the first love of my life, completely overlooking this girl who loved me unconditionally.

The past came back after committing the mistakes of infidelity; claiming her love, and realizing that I was the one for her. The intention of meeting the past was to make her understand that I was over her, but it took an unexpected turn and I ended up cheating on the present. The present, true to her values and morals, never looked back.

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I did everything in my might to win her back and even hurt myself when I could not accept the fact that she is gone.

Without dwelling into the details of all that I did for her, which would put any boyfriend to shame and have every girlfriend go ‘awww’, I was still unable to move ahead after a year. We were not in touch though I'd still mail her sometimes.

I could not focus on anything, be it my job, my life, or seeing someone else. And no, I don’t want her back because I know I cannot have her.

All I want to know is who decides the graveness of a mistake, who decides how many chances are enough or that a person cannot change?

Isn’t it possible that you realize true love only when it is gone? Does one mistake always win over hundred other things, which prove that it indeed was just a 'mistake'?

Does doing something for her, which even she had never imagined, weigh lower than that one mistake and make me someone who, according to her, was always playing with her?

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Author's Note:

I’m sharing my thoughts here because the ones who know both of us are biased by their love and friendship for us. I want to ask all of you - Do I deserve such a big punishment for one mistake? Even after doing everything to apologize for it?