I had liked her since we were in 11th standard. Since my college wasn’t co-ed, I never got a chance to speak to her. She was the topper of the town in the 12th board exam and I secured distinction. We both joined engineering but again in different colleges.

During that time, almost everyone used Facebook. So I created my account too and sent her a friend request. She accepted it.

As days passed by, I developed feelings for her even though we hardly talked. I proposed her by sending her an email from my Gmail account. She asked me who I was and that’s how our conversation began. But since she didn’t know me, she didn’t accept my proposal.

We used to have casual chats on Facebook and she used to reply whenever she was online.

I wasn’t ready to give up just yet because I was madly in love with her and could hardly imagine anyone else in her place. I asked for her contact number but she didn’t give me. After few days, I got her number from my close friend. We used to talk over phone daily for some time. It was my routine to text her before I went to sleep and in the morning. She was one of the nicest people I had come across and I loved her sincerely. I even imagined her as my life partner, although we never got married.

I was so obsessed with her that every second of my life, I only thought about her.

After I completed my engineering, I again confessed my love to her. But she was having her exams at that time, so she didn’t reply. I tried messaging and calling her after the exams, but there was no response. Next day, she gave me a call and said that she didn’t have any feelings for me.

I was hurt and upset. After one week, I called her up again to have a casual conversation because I knew she had no intention to hurt me.

It took me almost more than a month to recover.

In September 2012, I got a job. Before joining, I gave her a call to tell her the good news. We talked so nicely that my love for her bloomed again. We started to talk on a regular basis again. With new hope, I told her that I still loved her but her answer was still no.

I kept messaging her the whole day from morning to night just to prove her how much I love her but she didn’t accept it.

Finally, she told me the reason why. She already had some other person in mind that was of the same caste and a year senior to her. In fact, their parents knew about them and had accepted their relationship.

I literally had a nervous breakdown after hearing it. I had so many questions running through my mind that I went mentally numb.

I took a bus to my hometown and throughout the three hours journey of my ride, I cried at the back seat of the bus. I didn’t sleep the whole night. I was having a hard time digesting the fact that she would never come to my life again. All hopes were gone.

In my laptop, I had around 300 photos of her and I thought of deleting it. I wanted to erase her memory but I couldn’t. I knew I still loved her. So out of anger, I left few comments on her picture on Facebook which was disgusting to her image. But neither she deleted my comment nor replied to it. I felt bad later, so I deleted it. I even deleted all her pictures from my drive.

Accidentally, I blocked her from my Facebook. I would have sent the request again but this time I wasn’t sure if she would accept it or not. So I messaged her on the google chat but she didn’t reply. I got so angry that I sent her all bad words.

I blamed her for choosing caste and friends over my love.

There was no response. But suddenly, after few months, my screen pinged from her message. She said that we both could be friends again. I had no clue why she would send me a message after so many months but later, I came to know that she had broken up with her boyfriend (I am sure it was the guy’s fault).

Even after this, my love for her hadn’t changed a bit.

After few months, I saw her in a temple. I went to her and introduced myself since she was with her family she couldn’t talk to me much. This time I sent her a Facebook request again. But she blocked me, and I decided not to go back to her.

Now she is pursuing her Masters in Germany, or she might have even completed it. I loved her sincerely but she didn’t know how much she meant to me. Even today, I have feelings for her but I am afraid to listen to another no from her. I don’t talk to other girls unnecessarily because I think I would be cheating on her then.

But something good happened out of it. I loved her that’ why I know how great love is and it is one of the divine feelings on earth. Love is not just a physical attraction towards someone, it’s more than that where you realise that you want to spend your rest of the life with that person.

If it weren’t for her, I wouldn’t be able to write this great filmy story today.

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