Loneliness is one term that's common in everybody's life. You socialize, network, and communicate with people around you in order to overcome the feeling. You consciously decide to be around people that make you feel like your existence is worthwhile.
But is it really helping anyone? I am 22 and married. Yes, you read it right. I am married. And I still feel lonely.
My mom suffered from cancer and she passed away when I was 13. So, the crucial years of my life, that would develop my personality died in the halls and rooms of the hospital. Then my teenage years were lost amidst my dad getting married again. They told me it was for my own good and safety, but honestly, I was lonely.
My innocence didn’t allow me to understand the real picture while I was just a puppet for those who were around me. I never understood what they were doing to me and I continued to be their pet for fun.
Then when I got into college, I was only a mediocre one because I ruined my studies in all the hustle of family, and I thought that maybe this is my chance to make my life. But I fell in love with that one person, now my husband, who did change my life completely but in a different way. Just like other parents, my parents got to know and then came the time to finalize my future. Hahaha! My future and my life were being finalized by those after whom, I just let go of the gem years of my life. So, in the end, I had to leave my studies and sit back at home. I became a part of that daily torture where I was made to realize that I was no good. I was again lonely, and I was helpless. I got into bad friendships and bad relationships and I used them as rebounds to get over that one person I fell in love with. Years passed, and I got in touch with him again. I was sceptical as he left me earlier, putting all the blame on me. But we ended up falling in love all over again and we got married in 2016. It wasn't a piece of cake, but we did get married. And yes, it was a long distance relationship as I was grounded and in a different city.
Today I am happy and satisfied with my life. That's what I tell myself. It's not because of my husband. It's the life I'm living that is making me realize one thing, I am still lonely. I help my husband in his work, but I know I have no passion to do anything for myself.
I don't have my marriage. I hate my life for being so empty and making me feel lonely even though I have my best friend right next to me. I know a lot of you will ask me to do something with my life. I bet I am on the same page too, but when I lay in bed at night, I still feel the way I used to: lonely and helpless.