I was working as a primary school teacher then. I couldn't complete my masters from a renowned institution because my boyfriend of six years then, who is now my husband, had some other plans in store for me. I'd had a huge argument with him before I took up the job. He wanted me to take it up because it was near my hometown, so that I could prepare myself for the job where he had been recruited three years before and wanted me to join. So unwillingly, I had to follow his lead.

I do not believe in God. Basically, I am an atheist but I do believe in destiny. I believe that if something is going on in your life without your consent, then something positive will certainly follow it.

As I was a government teacher, I was offered a decent job in the election board. During that period, I met a colleague named Indra in our block. Due to similar issues we faced at work, we connected instantly and I fell for him in our first meeting itself, he felt the same. I met him when I had gone to the office to submit a document, and we ended up talking about everything under the sun for more than two hours. We seemed to really like each other’s company.

When I got back home, he called me. I don't know from where he got hold of my number but we ended up talking the entire night. I felt guilty as I was already committed but I cannot explain how beautiful I felt whenever I spoke to Indra. The second time we met was in my house.

It was spontaneous, he surprised me by coming over as he knew my parents were out of station, although my brother was still around. Our third meeting followed the next day when my brother was in school, he dropped by for an hour during work hours. He proposed me that day and we made out.

I could not bring myself to tell him about my boyfriend.

It was all going smoothly until suddenly I appeared for the job where my boyfriend worked and I got through. They asked me to join within two months. Indra was shocked. At that point, I was very confused as to whether I should move on in my relationship with Indra because although we were in such a long-term relationship, I had never made out with my boyfriend. I decided to confess everything in front of my mother. She quite liked Indra, he was tall, handsome, had a good personality and a respectable position in society. But then I didn’t want to let go off this job opportunity as my teaching job wasn’t helping me achieve my career goals.

From the beginning, I have been a career oriented woman.

Indra asked me to quit the job and settle down with him, but my parents were against the decision and so was I. Then things started getting worse, Indra stopped answering my calls, he started being rude to me. Whenever I used to call him, he seemed to be busy with other calls. He would refuse to meet me, started putting up display pictures with other women on his WhatsApp. Whenever I would ask who she was, he would tell me she was his cousin sister.

The very last time I met him, I thought I would clear the air between us and will permanently choose to be with him.

I visited him on his birthday after a long and tiring overnight journey, I had even taken along a cake that I baked for him.

I entered his room only to find it in a mess, there were a woman’s intimate clothes lying on the floor. He later told me that they belonged to his cousin sister who had visited him a day before.

I checked his phone when he was not around and found some pictures of him being way too close with his apparent ‘cousin sister’. I asked him what exactly was going on, and he confessed everything to me then.

Without uttering a single word to him, I moved on and got married to my boyfriend. It has been three years since, and all these years I have spent feeling guilty.

Here is what Indira had confessed to me that night, that he had married twice and was divorced once. Even now, when I listen to some of the songs that he had sent me, his memory still haunts me – his eyes, his smile, his smell chases me.

I use the same perfume he used to wear and yet I still can’t forgive neither myself nor him.

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