I Lost Out On True Love Because I Was The Jerk Whose Wandering Heart Won't Settle Down

Anonymous Anonymous in Life Is Tough on 17 June, 2018

My story starts from the time I was in class 12. There was a wedding at my neighbour’s house, which my parents were unable to attend and I was asked to represent them. At the wedding, I met a close friend.

Being a teenager, marriages meant admiring beautiful girls and having fun.

We were looking at all the girls when a particular girl caught my attention. She was very pretty and I was instantly drawn to her. However, my friend told me not to fool around with her, as she was his cousin. I exclaimed that even I wasn’t a bad guy!

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I managed to convince him and asked for her contact number. After I got her number, I started calling her frequently. Though she was annoyed with me, we kept talking and eventually, I proposed to her. But she didn't accept my proposal.

I had no option but to emotionally blackmail her to say yes to me.

I asked one of my friends to call and tell her that I’d consumed poison. When she heard this, she started crying. Immediately, she spoke to me and accepted my proposal. We started dating and had a good time together. Then I went to Gujarat to pursue engineering and she moved to Punjab for her further studies. We stayed in touch and spoke every day.

I was sure that we were made for each other.
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One day, I forced her to come to meet me in Gujarat. I told her that if she loved me, she would come. She took a huge risk and travelled all the way just to meet me. We spent quality time in a hotel and got intimate with each other. When it was time for her to go back to Punjab, she realized that her train ticket was not confirmed.

That’s when I made my first mistake. I left her outside the railway station without caring how she would manage. And she suffered a lot due to lack of reservation. Fortunately, she was a good person and she forgave me. A few months later she told me that her parents were forcing her to get married and she couldn’t continue the relationship.

Instead of consoling and supporting her, I just broke up with her.

This happened in December 2008. In January 2009, I was in my hometown for my vacation when I decided to visit the Vaishno Devi shrine with my cousins. We reached there and were about to enter the darbar when I saw a girl standing behind me in the queue. Our eyes met for a few seconds and it stirred something within me.

However, my cousin came to me and said that he also liked the same girl. So I decided to step back and let my cousin take the lead. When we were leaving the darbar, I saw the same girl standing next to me and chanting mantras.

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We made eye contact again and I couldn’t help falling for her.

She also seemed to share the same feelings. I encouraged my cousin to follow her so that I could also follow her. We started following her and noticed that she was with her family and a female cousin. I tried talking to her but her cousin held her hand and pushed her to move forward. They entered a restaurant and went to the first floor. We followed them and sat on the opposite table.

I was finally able to see her without any distraction and so was she. When she went to the ground floor to place an order, I followed her there too but I couldn’t gather the courage to speak to her. We crossed each other and she burst out laughing because she was aware of my intentions. I found her extremely cute. She asked me, “Hi, where could I get a spoon?” I began to stammer and she laughed once again and went away.

It was the first time that I was so fascinated by someone.

We went back to our seats but I was eager to speak to her and get her contact details. I signalled her to come outside and she understood. She excused herself to go down to the washroom. I followed her and so did her cousin. When we were down, I mustered all my courage and said, "Hi". We spoke for a few minutes until I noticed her cousin coming towards us.

I thought of taking her contact number but before I could, her cousin pulled her away and said, “Such boys are not good.”
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Before I could react, my cousin jumped in to help me. He took a piece of paper, wrote my number and gave it to her. We left the restaurant and I kept waiting for her call for the whole day but in vain. However, the next day I got a call from an unknown number. When I answered, a female voice said, “Hello”.

I recognized her voice but pretended that I didn't. She introduced herself and we had a long conversation during which I went outside my house. It was around 10 p.m. when she said with authority, “It’s late, you shouldn’t be outside, go back home.” Her concern made me feel special.

I knew that she was going to be a part of my life forever.

She stayed in Delhi and when I was returning to Gujarat from my hometown, I decided to meet her. We met at the railway station and as soon as she saw me, she gave me a hug. I can never forget that hug; it was really special. I was staying the night in Delhi but we were not comfortable in taking a hotel room, so we decided to roam around the city. We thoroughly enjoyed each other’s company.

After reaching Gujarat, I got busy with my college life but not a day went by without talking to her. We would share every detail about our lives with each other. It was a wonderful time. We were in love; real love, it was not a college affair.

She was older than me by six years but we never felt the age gap.
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She worked at a good post in an MNC. I often feared that she'd find someone better than me and leave me. Moreover, her boss had been making advances on her for a long time. I couldn't bear the idea of someone flirting with her and asked her to quit her job. She initially refused but thanks to her love for me, she finally agreed and left the company.

Honestly, I would not have expected such a gesture from anyone but she was too kind to me. Even as I write this, I feel very grateful for having had her in my life. Everything was going well between us but my heart was a wanderer.

I wanted a relationship where my partner was not physically away from me.

I was in touch with many other girls and she often caught me flirting with them. Every time I’d convince her that she was my only love and she would forgive me. She was truly in love with me. During our relationship, we met several times in different places away from our respective cities.

Whenever we needed money to meet, she would arrange it without making me feel bad about not having money.

She even helped me financially in several situations. A few months after we started dating, her parents started harassing to get married to a guy of their choice.

They would beat her up and she experienced hell to be with me but never expressed her pain.

One day, I got drunk and called up her dad and started abusing him. I felt terrible about her condition. Unfortunately, this act landed her in further trouble and she had to face the consequences. Her parents made up their mind to get her married at the earliest.

She was shattered when she called to tell me about their decision. Yet, I was confident she would never go away from me. In the meanwhile, I got my first job and moved to Bangalore. She was still in Delhi and we started having frequent fights on small issues. After one such argument, she switched off her phone and I had no way of contacting her.

Her phone had been switched off for two months when suddenly one day, I received a photograph on WhatsApp. I was shocked to see the image. Tears rolled down my cheeks and I realized the mistake I had made. It was her wedding photo and she appeared happy. That day, I cried a lot.

I felt like a loser that had lost out on true love.

I called her and she answered the phone. She confessed that she was not happy with her husband, as she was still in love with me. It was a bad situation for her. They would fight often and finally, she left his house and went back to her parents’ house. She was extremely depressed. Things started getting better for her when she got another job opportunity. But our relation did not improve.

We kept fighting because she doubted my flirtatious nature.

Ultimately, we stopped talking to each other. Today, I feel extremely guilty about everything that happened to her because I was responsible for it.

She gave me love and all I gave her was pain.

But I did not realize it then. I moved on and started dating a girl in my office. Initially, she was reluctant to be in a relationship and it took her 2-3 months to get comfortable. She was a caring and helpful girl. Whenever I faced a cash crunch, she helped me. We got physically intimate too. However, a few months later, she started questioning me about everything that I did.

I was not accustomed to this possessive behaviour and started avoiding her.

In a bid to dodge her, I took a few days off and went to my hometown. When I was travelling back to Bangalore, I met a girl at the Delhi airport. It was 2 a.m. and I was heading towards the check-in counter when I saw her. I asked her if the counter was open and she replied, “I am also looking for the same”.

We headed together for the check-in. As we were walking, she asked if I was travelling to Bangalore and I replied “Yes”. After the security check, I started walking towards the lounge area. When I saw her, I waved my hand and asked her to join me. She agreed. She was an average looking girl and I was not trying to impress her.

I was simply talking to her to pass my time till I boarded the flight.

We decided to have coffee and I paid for both of us. She was not ready to accept it and offered to PAYTM the money to me. When she asked for my number, I ignored her. We continued talking to each other and I was shocked to learn that she was highly educated and worked as a scientist in India’s top research institute. She also told me that she was separated from her husband.

We had a good conversation till it was time for me to board the flight. She accompanied me to the boarding gate. While we were walking, she asked for my number again and I ignored her this time too. When we reached the gate, she asked again and this time, I couldn’t refuse. As I sat in the aircraft, I felt lonely without her.

I sent her a message saying, “I like you”. She replied, “So soon?”

She was also travelling to Bangalore but on a different flight. I asked if I could pick her up from the airport but she refused because her brother was going to receive her. We reached Bangalore and started speaking regularly. After a few days, I proposed to her and she accepted it.

I realized that she was also lonely and needed someone in her life.

All her relatives blamed her for her broken marriage and kept forcing her to go back to her in-laws’ house. I realized that I was her only ray of hope and support. We have been in a relationship for five months now.

But I know that I can’t support her forever, as I cannot marry her.

I don’t know why this keeps happening to me. Why am I such a jerk and till when will I keep hurting women?

Editor's Note:

Share this story for all those wandering hearts who need to realize the value of true love before it's too late.