I Left The Love Of My Life To Marry A Man Who Can't Love Me Back

Anonymous Anonymous in Life Is Tough on 3 October, 2017

My family is a small one. My parents, older brother and I. Being the youngest, I never got the love that I knew I truly deserved. My childhood was not the kind that anyone would want to relive.

My brother always got more attention than I did. He was a boy, after all, and was born after an abortion, so after the complications, he was their little miracle.

My entire childhood, I’ve waited for the day when I would get the same love and attention from my family, but that day never came. I sank into depression and even tried to kill myself twice, but failed both times.

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When I was a teenager, I met Raj. He was a colleague at work and gave me all the love, care and attention that I was starving for. I began enjoying my life again, I thought I was on cloud nine. Such a beautiful feeling it is, to be loved by someone, so selflessly.

We were together for more than six years after which we decided it was time to talk to our families about our futures.

This was the hardest part for me, I spoke to my father, despite him being very strict. I was petrified, but I managed. I convinced him to meet Raj once. I was hoping that Raj would talk to his family soon too, but he didn’t and this broke me.

I decided to end things with him: how could I be with someone who didn’t have the courage to even start a conversation about our future with his own family?
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I got busy with my life in Mumbai and it was only six months later, when I came home, that he met me and convinced me to get back with him. I melted.

One more time, I confronted my father about Raj and hoped that he was doing the same at his house. Only this time, my father said he would consider this, only if I met a guy that he had chosen for me to marry.

It didn’t seem tough, so I said yes, and that’s when I met Rohit. He was a humble, sweet and kind guy. But I never gave him a sign that I wanted to take things forward with him. I had decided that I was not going to let Raj go out of my life this time.

My parents spoke to me at great length about Raj; they showed me the pros and cons of this relationship. Yet again, I fought for him only to find out once again, that he hadn’t spoken to his father about me at all.

Heart-broken, I cut off all ties with Raj and within 10 days, my roka was finalized with Rohit. I told Rohit everything about Raj, so that he wouldn’t be unaware of my situation, but he accepted me, with all of this history.

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We got married, the ceremony was beautiful and I thought, maybe, just maybe, this was the perfect part of my life that I had been dreaming about. How wrong was I!

After our wedding, my husband told me about his past and only when his ex-girlfriend had threatened to confront me herself. I told him that I accepted his past, as long as that’s all that it was, the past. He agreed.

Of course, it didn’t take me long to realize the connection between the lack of intimacy that we had and his ex. They were still in touch and she was 10 years older than him. In the bedroom, he couldn’t last for more than 10 seconds. Whether it’s because of his lack of interest in me or if he’s still in love with her or even a medical issue- I don’t know, but he won’t tell me the truth, or a doctor.

I’m helpless and have never felt this deprived of love in all my years growing up. I’m stuck with a man who can’t or won’t make love to me and I don’t know what to do anymore.