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I Hate My Life Because I Didn't Choose To Live It Without My Father

( words)
*For representational purpose only.

Everyone carries a tag. I carry one too. It was given to me by other people. I'm 22 and I'm about to get my law degree. My life was never perfect. Even at a young age, I saw my parents fighting. I was a daddy's girl, but he passed away when I was 15.  

My mom misses him. She says I'm a stone-hearted person because I didn't cry enough. But then again, I don't share my feelings with my mom. I don't tell her when I miss him or have a dream about him. 

When I was in school, every time some student lost their parent, we were asked to pray for their soul. But I was so stupid that I used to pray for my own parents instead. But God has his own plans. Not a day goes by without me wishing that he was here. My life would have been so much better. But I live with this scarred heart.  

I wanted to fall in love. The warmth, the protection, the love is something I miss every moment of my life. I never found my dad in anyone. My relatives call me a loser daughter of a genius man. According to them, I'm a worthless, hopeless girl with no future. I'm not sure if I can prove them wrong. I'm still alive and not depressed about the names they give me. 

I'm depressed because my father left me alone to decide on a future without his guidance. And I'm yet to figure out if I should be happy that I still have a roof over my head, even though I live with a bunch of people who couldn't care less about me, or if I should be unhappy because losing a father wasn't my choice.

I am confused. I still wish he was there to give me direction.

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