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I Fell In Love With A Stranger Across The Border And Now I Cannot Erase Him From My Memory

( words)
*For representational purpose only.

I am an Indian Hindu girl and I am in love with a Pakistani Muslim boy. The fate of our story was set ever since it began and I certainly did not want this to happen.

I never had someone in a romantic space ever in my life; Someone whom I could claim was mine, whom I could share everything with, whom I could trust and depend on. And then he walked into my life and changed that.

Last year in July I received a follow request on Instagram from a stranger. I went through his account and he seemed to be a decent guy so I accepted his request. You must know that this is unlike me as I don’t usually accept unknown follow requests. After accepting his request, I had forgotten about this guy.

About two months later, on 8th September, he messaged me on Instagram with a simple ‘Hi’. I replied with a ‘Hello’ and we introduced each other, primarily acknowledging the fact that I am an Indian and he is a Pakistani.

We started chatting regularly and on Facebook too. We would talk for hours and days on end, throughout our waking hours. He is only a year older than me. He was then pursuing his MBA on weekends and working on weekdays, but yet, he would give me his full attention and never gave me a chance to complain. We started talking on FB Messenger calls. He seemed to me like a very mature person. We progressed in our communication through apps - we then went on to exchange our numbers and would WhatsApp each other all day from the minute we opened our eyes in the morning, to closing them at night.

One day, while we were talking, he confessed to me that he had feelings for me.

I was speechless. "You do know that we don't have any future? It is not at all possible for us to be together and no one will ever understand us!" I said to him. "I know we do not have any future and I am not forcing you for anything nor am I expecting anything from your side. I simply told you what I felt for you." He said very calmly. After this incident, we got even closer. We used to share every single detail of our lives with each other, be it about our families or about our respective countries. He used to inform me whenever he left for home and after reaching home he would inform me that he had reached safely.

He expected the same from me and I felt like I was living with him, it did not feel like we had as many miles between us.

He was the first person in my life who believed in me so much, who cared for me so much, who respected me and my decisions. I gradually started falling for him, for his simplicity and his character.

Then one day, when he said those three magical words ‘I love you’, I couldn't stop myself from reciprocating the same.

We were not in a relationship as we couldn’t afford to be in one but we surely were in love with each other. It was tough for us to go without speaking to each other for even one day. He once said to me, “I will come to meet you Inshallah someday." He always made sure to make me feel special and he never ever forced me for anything.

But we would always feel sad about the fact that because he was a Pakistani and I was an Indian, we could not be together.

He was never a possessive person and he always understood me. If he would at all sleep while chatting with me at night, I used to get irritated sometimes. And then I would always apologize to him for being rude as he wasn’t ever rude to me.

Whenever I would say sorry to him for my rude behavior, he would say to me always, “sshh don't say sorry, ekdum chup. I can never ever get angry with you. You are the girl who lives so many miles away and still trusts me so much, loves me so much.”

And then the time came when my parents started looking for marriage proposals for me. I was totally against this as I was not ready for marriage. I started having frequent agreements with my mother. I told him about the situation at home and he said to me, “You do someday have to get married na? So don't be upset please. And don't ever fight with your parents as they are only thinking about your future. If we had belonged to the same country and same religion, I promise I would have already approached your parents to ask for your hand in marriage.”

I would cry at the mere thought of not being with him. It was killing us both. “I know you will get married soon but for the time being you are only mine and I cannot share you with anyone.” He said to me one day.

We used to exchange pictures, and would Skype regularly as that was the only way we could see each other. End of February this year, we were talking about our lives, our future plans and where we are headed. We spoke about how we are so attached to each other and cannot be at peace without sharing things with each other, and how we'll be able to live our lives separately without each other.

“You will get married and I don't know how will I accustom myself to your absence in my life.” He said.

“I am already jealous of your future wife.” I said. All I felt like in the moment was to be there with him, even now I wish I could be with him forever. Then after a few days of our talk, things started getting awkward between us because we knew that sooner or later everything was going to be over. We started suppressing our feelings and it was breaking me from inside.

I felt like I was losing the most essential part of my life. I was not ready to lose him.

Love was still there between us but gradually the frequency of our conversations had started reducing. I was feeling so helpless. And then on 25th March, he messaged me for the last time: “I have just become the same as I was 6 months back. And as we can't control our feelings for each other, and you need to move on before you can accept anyone else in your life, it is better to make this decision now to stay away. Stay blessed.”

All I could say to him was: “Thank you for the most beautiful 6 months of my life.”

This last message of his tore me apart. I am no longer the same person. He was my everything. My day used to start with his good morning text and my night ended with his texts. He was an integral part of my life and always will be. I respect his decision because I know he cares for me. I always took him to be a more mature person than me. I want to say to him that I still love you.

I am just waiting for the day when I will smile while thinking about you rather than crying. I miss you like hell! I miss being with you. I miss us.

Your absence in my life has made me so lonely. I know that you took this decision for our betterment. But till now I have not managed to go back to being the same person that I was before you walked into my life. And yes, you must know that you were the best thing that has ever happened to me in my life.

I want to tell the world that because of these religions and boundaries, people are forced to stay away from each other. These are the most trivial and silliest reasons to let go of such beautiful relationships.

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