I Didn't Know What 'Postpartum Depression' Means Till I Had To Face It: This Is What It Feels Like

Anonymous Anonymous in Life Is Tough on 28 April, 2017

“Postpartum Depression” was just a term for me till I experienced it. During my pregnancy I often came across articles on “Postpartum Depression” but I never wanted to know in detail what it meant. Reason may be because my pregnancy was not a smooth journey. Spotting every now and then, low BP and other complications didn’t leave any room for me to concentrate on the broader spectrum of any mental illness.

After my delivery via C-Section there were so many changes, both physically and emotionally. I was prepared for it, still could not accept so many changes easily.

When I used to see my little girl I felt good but still not happy deep within, I was very confused and it was never the case that I wanted to hurt myself or my baby. I just wanted to sit and cry, I wanted to be in bed forever.

Low milk supply, sleepless nights, a colic baby, was this the reason? I couldn’t figure out anything for weeks. I felt irritable all the time. I hated the fact that I couldn't breast feed my baby, I hated it when my baby used to cry because of colic pain for hours and I blamed myself for being a bad mother. It’s actually not possible to jot down all the points I used to cry about.

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Many times I shouted at my husband for absolutely no reason. I wanted to consult my Gynaecologist again for the same thing and doing that helped me overcome that phase not so easily but slowly I was in a good state of mind. I could feel the joy of motherhood. I knew that I was a good mommy, not a perfect one though.

Anyone may suffer from “Postpartum Depression”. It does not discriminate. Seeking help at the right time helps a lot. I wish someone had informed me about this before. I had some knowledge about “Baby Blues” so I waited for a few days assuming that this phase would end soon, but “Baby Blues” and PPD are not the same thing.

So, after childbirth whenever we feel low, alone, scared, confused, and not interested in our friends or family and feel like crying for days after delivery, we should not ignore those symptoms, rather seek HELP. For me, a supportive partner and a supportive doctor helped a lot.

We should not be ashamed of talking about this. We can talk to our mothers, our partners, and friends about how we feel. Important factor is “Postpartum depression” has nothing to do with “Mentally ill” women.

After overcoming PPD, I started reading a lot about it, I got endless gyaan on how to treat my baby, how to be a good mommy, how to increase my milk supply but no one ever warned me about the other side of the story, A gloomy phase a woman may go through. I understood many women go through it but don’t speak about it out of fear of what the society will think. It’s time to end the stigma. A strong support system is very much needed to overcome this phase. My husband was my support from the very beginning. He was the one who could feel what I was going through. He stood like a rock for me during this phase.

I have limited knowledge about PPD as it’s different for every woman. The ways to overcome it are different too, like counselling, medications, hormone therapy. In my case, counselling worked wonders, just a session or two, as it was moderate.

So mommies-to-be or new mommies reading this, please don’t hesitate to seek help if at any moment you feel you cannot handle the stress. There are professionals who can help you overcome this rough phase. Talk about it. It’s just a phase and will pass soon.

Few things I strictly followed and which helped me as well are,

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I gave myself time to heal.
I went out for walks or small strolls whenever I felt disturbed.
I knew my baby needs me the most, I slowly started talking to her.
Went for a vacation.
Took sleep seriously, sleep is needed to overcome PPD.
Engaged myself in experimenting new dishes.
Music and reading helped to a great extent.

We have one life and let's glorify it by adding a new meaning to it every moment by seeking help. PPD is not our fault, so if we want we can help ourselves with support.
Editor's Note:

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