'Wait'. This small word has really played a big role in my life. The Wait for Love. The Wait for Life. The Wait for Success.
Well, not really for life and success, but for being loved the way I wanted to be. That is a long journey that should be completed in the years to come.
The feeling of being loved and waiting to be loved is pious to the soul. A pain that follows your heart and pierces your soul every time you think about the one you love is a magnificent feeling. I know many of you have experienced the same and perhaps that’s what is called 'True Love'.
I have always loved this girl who made sure I chased her for being loved more and more deeply because she didn't get her portion of love during her childhood. Her complex childhood and stubborn present made me take an oath to never fall in love with anyone else. But destiny had some other plans for me that never let me settle with her but make the magician of her life, where every single one of her thoughts could penetrate my soul every time even till today. Well those who don’t understand, the technique is called 'Telepathy' and it requires the soul to be connected once with your loved ones.
As time passed, I became the master of that technique where a thought from her about me is instantly communicated faster than the speed of light. Did I mention to you that she moved to London after we parted our ways physically whereas I settled with her memories here in Delhi?
Messages, emails, unlimited unanswered calls, and many visits to her house in Jor Bagh remain unreachable. I didn’t realize the fact she has moved on with her life so quickly that 10 years of mine just passed in her memories. But I learn one lesson: Never wait for someone for so long that you forget to walk.
She left me with her memories which were enough to cherish for the rest of my life until she came back in 2013, with the sweet email message where she wanted to apologize for her deeds, but was she forgiven? She neither felt that a sincere apology is needed nor did I need one.
I really buried that portion of my heart and her memories deep within me, reaching out to them only when I needed to feel the unconditional peace of her eyes and smile. Sleeping every day, lying my head in my dreams on her shoulder was the practice for the past 7 years. But there is an old saying, "When you try to cherish the old box of sweets, you can’t close the box after only having one," that’s the same case with memories.
You can’t restrain yourself to a single memory of her, and when you get the rest of them, you land within the arm of sleep with teary eyes, with a smile and peace to your soul. The corner of the bed became my peer in sharing and hiding my feelings behind closed doors.
Now her availability and messages were coming as per her convenience but not for the sake of love. She started being available for me but as per her convenience, she took the gap of a good 1.5 years post her marriage. Now she appeared back in my life from 2016 but I was aware of her capability to balance between relations and friendships, and I was expecting her to be invisible once again from my life. She has started avoiding me and behaving unnecessarily again.
I will not wait this time. The situation seems to be similar to India-China at Doklam where both the parties are confronting each other without any issues.
Every day I try to pursue her to ease her stance on the confrontation front but ignorance, avoidance, always comes in between us, which prevents her from loosening the tension. Let’s see for how long it will take me to wait. The wait never ends in this love.
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