I am 28 years old, working in well reputed IT giant in Hyderabad.
Before I go further let me say a very important point here- please do not judge the sexual exploitation on gender base. Yes I know its mostly male but it depends on individual. Let's not abuse whole male community just because some bad fishes dirty the the pool.
Whenever we read the sexual abuse news, we get terrified for females. We equally feel for you and your pain as you feel.
So now my story- I am from a village from U.P. and I used to stay in a joint family. When I was 4 years old, my mother passed away and my father took care of me and my 2 elder sisters very well and is still here with us to bless us. But in my childhood I used to be scared of my father a lot.
A lot means, I was not able to speak with him openly and I used to shiver when I used to talk to him , as he was very strict with us for education and at that point of time my cousins used to stay in Delhi and had recently returned to their village. They were 4 (1 sister and 3 brothers). They were very nice to us.
My nightmare started one night when we used to sleep with our cousins. I was in 7th standard. One night my so called cousin Ankita (name changed) came to me and started touching me inappropriately. At first, I thought she by mistake is doing it in sleep. I kept distance and slept. This kept happening with me for at least 3-4 nights and I ignored those nonsense touches.
She was at that point of time around 22 or something because her parents were searching for a guy to marry her. One evening she grabbed me in one corner and asked how I had felt during those nights. I was shivering at that time and I felt like please, leave me. Please, leave me. She then warned me she is going to do this tonight as well and if I scream or cry, she will tell my father that I am doing something stupid with her.
That night I prayed, Ohh God please don't bring this night today. That night, I was totally shattered and I was screaming inside. It was paining me and hurting me soo bad. Sometimes I could not walk properly. I lost my sleep.
Sometimes, I used to study till 2-3 am in night so that she would not come to me. Sometimes, I used to sleep while studying just to avoid going to bed. While writing this story I am still shivering just imagining this.
I used to be a bright student but from 7th to 9th class I became so numb, meek and under confident that my papa ji used to scold me. I used to faint on the school ground. This stupidity used to happen almost every night. She used to jump on me and it was soo painful that it cannot be explained even today.
YES, SHE WAS MY COUSIN AND SHE USED TO TIE ME RAKHI. YES! I CALLED HER DIDI, YES, I USED TO TOUCH HER FEET TO GET HER BLESSINGS, YESSSSSS, SHE MURDERED MY CHILDHOOD AND FILLED MY CHILDHOOD WITH SUCH A NASTY NIGHTMARE. NO! I WAS NOT EVEN AWARE OF WHAT I DID, I WAS/AM NOT RAPIST. I WAS BEING RAPED. YES! I COULD NOT SCREAM THAT TIME COZ I WAS AFRAID OF MY FATHER. I WAS AFRAID OF BEING CALLED A BAD BROTHER. TELL WHAT DO YOU CALL THIS?
After those 2 years of nightmare, she got married and after 1 year she came to the village and I did not meet her personally. I used to meet her when family members were around there. After completing my graduation, I went to Delhi and then now a days I'm in Hyderabad. After her marriage, I met only once. After that I never talked/met/ her over phone, personally, in any means of contact. I blocked her on Facebook.
I haven't shared this with anyone, but first time here only. To our readers- if you are a single mother/father. I am sure you are doing your best by your children in terms of education and all. But please don't be strict with your children like my father (but still, I always feel my father is the best father and best gift from Almighty to us). Be friendly to your children. Please pay attention to their behaviors if something is abnormal. Please do check and be attentive towards them.
Sometimes children want to say something to you which may be very serious and important. Please do hear them. Please understand them, and be that much friendly that if somethings bad is happening or happened in past, they don't hesitate to share their pain with you. YES! MALES ALSO GET RAPED AND THEY ALSO REMAIN SILENT DUE TO THE FEAR OF SOCIETY. RAPISTS ARE RAPISTS! NO GENDER BASIS.