It took 6 years of constant pain, anxiety, panic attacks, desperation, hurt, loneliness, tears, anger, frustration, failure in private and social life, jealousy, emptiness, loss of self-esteem, and every worst emotion in English dictionary to realize this.

Love is an addiction sparked from the neurotransmitters in your brain. Married to my wife and with my child by my side on the bed I would still be thinking of my married ex in another part of the country.

With social network at my disposal, it's difficult for me not to think about her at least for a second every day. As all poets sang, it is difficult for me to read her heart and say whether she loved me or used me just for time pass. But one thing I know was true in my unfortunate love life was that I made a lot of bad decisions but she was always there.

When I wanted to be close to her she'd just fly down, make me feel better but then rub salt on my healing wound and disappear again. I ask God again and again, when I have everything I never had in my unhappy childhood and can be extremely happy now why can I not be happy now? Why can I not be addicted now? When will I outgrow my feelings for her?

Well every time she comes, tramples my heart, I grow stronger and mature. Yes I am educated, at a mid-level position, have a beautiful family, jovial, funny, friendly, yet I carry a broken heart around and wear a mask in front of the outside world.

I use my experience to heal helpless people caught in the infinite loop of finding "wrong" love.

I realized I am not the only one caught in this hell, there are so many men and women who like me, secretly shed a tear on their pillow while checking on their exes on Facebook or Whatsapp every day. When I hear my patients' stories and share their pain and create a solution for them, I literally can feel that human beings need love, security, self-respect, encouragement and affection just like they need air, water and food to survive.

Lost love is a mirage that eludes us till death.

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