How It Is To Be A 30 Something, Happily Married, Lost Woman

Anonymous Anonymous in Life Is Tough on 15 May, 2017

Growing up in a small town never stopped me from dreaming big. A popular girl with loads of friends and full of confidence, this is how I grew up. Then blooming into my teenage years with so much attention, I was more than happy with my life.

Little did I know that the ever so talkative chirpy me will one day be trapped in a golden cage of marriage. Don't get me wrong, I married the love of my life at a tender age with full fervour after completing my post graduation.

My father was always over protective and strict, so for me, getting married with the man of my choice was liberating and in a way, my ticket to freedom. This certainly did not happen. 
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First two years of my married life were smooth, like a joy ride with my husband and his family. Then I became a mother to a cute little boy and that was the time I realised that time just flew by. I was 26 then and despite having a fulfilling life, there was something majorly missing.

Days turned into weeks and weeks turned to years. Superficially, everything seems alright in my life. My son is growing up to be an intelligent boy and I'm nearing thirties but amidst all this, I lost myself, I lost my identity, I lost my dreams.

I forgot to live for myself, my passion and my dreams.

Life was not going the way I planned when I was that little vibrant girl. Where did I lose her? Now when I sit back and think, having the best of everything, be it the best clothes, bags or holidays, nothing makes me a happy soul. Where did I go wrong? Was marrying early a wrong decision?

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Looking for answers and looking for a purpose to live. I'm also looking for peace. This ghazal sums up entirely my state of mind today and I just wish I find my solace soon.

Yum To Guzar Raha Hai, Har ek Pal Khusi Ke Saath

Phir Bhi Koi Kami Si Hai, Kyu Zindagi Ke saath

Rishtey Wafaye Dosti, Sab Kuch To Pass Hai

Kya Baat Hai Pata Nahi, Dil Kyu Udaas Hai

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Har Lamha Hai Haseeen, Nayi Dilkashi Ke Sath

Phir Bhi Koi Kami Si Hai, Kyu Zindagi Ke Sath

Chahat Bhi Hai Sukun Bhi Hai Dilbari Bhi Hai

Aakho Me Khwab Bhi Hai, Labo Par Hasee Bhi Hai

Dil Ko Nahi Hai Koi, Shikayat Kisi Ke Saath

Phir Bhi Koi Kami Si Hai, Kyu Zindagi Ke Sath

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Socha Tha Jaisa Waisa He Jeewan To Hai Magar

Ab Aur Kis Talash Mein Baichain Hai Nazar

Kudrat Bhi Meharban Hai Daryadili Ke Saath

Phir Bhi Koi Kami Si Hai, Kyu Zindagi Ke Sath

Fir bhi koi kami si hai kyun zindagi ke paas.