It's been two years since I lost myself to a guy. I am still left nowhere thinking about whose fault it was. Was it my fault alone or were we both at fault, it's hard to say.
It started way back, when I joined my internship. He was very attracted towards me and one day I got introduced to him. I loved him for his kindness and how responsible he was towards his family. He was such a great person, probably the nicest man I knew. He dropped his education just to stabilise his family.
The day he finally proposed me, I said yes thinking it was actually a happy ending for the both of us. But I didn't know that my love life would be a tragic love story with so much agony and pain. He had a friend who is married and has a kid, I don't know why she used to feel jealous of me. It seemed like she had a problem with my existence in his life. A friend's jealousy is healthy to some extent but this was different. She blatantly ignored me every time she came to his place.
I started to question him obviously, our fights went on till one day he chose her over me. It was heartbreaking to see him do this. I couldn't comprehend why he would choose a married friend over me. I blocked him from everywhere I could.
After a couple of months he realised his mistake and apologised to me. I was too heartbroken and lost to accept him once again but as days passed, I fell in love with him even more. However, our fights over her never ended. Whenever she came to his place, I felt jealous and fought with him and then our fight would subside with his 'sorry'.
I loved him badly. He was just so nice to me that he would apologise first even if it was my fault. But as days passed, our fights got uglier and we became stubborn, ego started to win over love.
I changed my job later. I couldn't give him time anymore because of my work training and my boss. Soon he started to abuse me whenever I questioned about her friend and blamed me for not spending time with him. I was called a cheater, b***h and a s**t just because I was unable to give him time because of my busy work schedule.
He never tried to understand my situation even though I tried explaining, but the time I couldn't spend with him made me a s**t and a flirt in his eyes. I started to feel bad, I raised my voice but that led to more abuses and blackmails. I fought with him for my respect and to prove myself and my loyalty towards him. Nothing worked out, in fact things changed for the worse. He even started to doubt my virginity and shouted at my parents. Everything was just turning towards hatred, I was confused whether it was my fault or his or both.
Now I'm living far away from him, hoping things will fall in place some day. It's tough to move on. I still love him so much that it's hard for me to get through a day without thinking about him.
Life is tough but I'm still hoping to sort out my love life and hoping for a happy ending.
To my love,
I still love you more than you know but I'm not brave enough to get back with you. Love is a part of life but it's not everything. Set your goals straight, you have your family to take care of. As love is a part of life, moving on is also a part of life. Regret but do not repent.