indian family Uncle Cancer loss

He Wasn't My Parent, Better Half Or Friend, But His Absence Pinches Me Every Day

( words)
*For representational purpose only.

The most important people in a kid's life is his / her parents because they love us unconditionally. Has anyone ever imagined if there can be anyone else also who can love us the same way that our parents do without expecting anything in return?

Well, my answer is yes and the person whom I am referring to here is my chacha--Our father's younger brother is called Chacha. But he was not only my chacha; he was my brother, my best friend, my biggest critic, my biggest motivator, my support and a lot. He meant a lot to me and same way I meant a lot to him.

Yeah, you may be wondering why I am mentioning "was".. because he left us 2 years back.

From the time I was a baby I remember each and every small thing that he did for me. From feeding me by his hands to buying me some favorites before he used to leave for work. He was such a personality who would not speak to a lot of people or I should say not speak at all at home as well, but with me he was always very close.

He got married, had his own kids but his love and affection towards me never became less as if I was his first kid. We used to fight like a brother and sister and my grandma used to tell us that he was much elder to me, but our bond knew no boundaries of which our whole family knew.

He used to fight for me with anyone in the family for anything, but he made sure I was always happy and smiling. Time passed by and everything was fine, we were a happy joint family.

Until 2015, when he was detected with Esophageal cancer. It was quite late when we got to know about it. I was staying in a different country with my husband who knew what my chacha meant to me, what place he held in my life. I immediately went to India and started looking for the best possible doctors and hospitals and after a lot of struggle and search we found a doctor there.

With hope and trust his treatment started which was as expected really not an easy one. I used to be there with him in each and every hospital visit and each and every chemo session to take care of him as a daughter will do. Even the doc was shocked one day when he got to know I am not his daughter but his niece.

Everyday was a different struggle, but we fought to bring him out of this and finally after a battle of 9 months we succeeded. He was declared cancer free and I was on cloud 9 as if I had really achieved something which was incomparable to any happiness in this world. After all, losing your father when you were 5, how could you not try to save the one person who held the same place in your life.

But again, destiny had different plans. I came back and carried on with my own life and in 2016 one more storm came. I lost my mom which was a very big shock to me. As always, he stood by me as a pillar and supported me.

Later in 2017, the deadly cancer started to come back but this time I couldn’t do much. Still same round of chemos and he was okay by god’s grace. I think because by this time I had already lost my faith in him.

In 2018, I was expecting and when he heard the news, he was the happiest person I believe. I could feel the happiness in his voice every time we spoke. Though miles apart he was always caring about my health, happiness, and wellbeing. If I missed to call him over any weekend he used to call and ask if I am fine.

Then all of a sudden in October, his calls went missing. I used to call but his number would be off, or he would call back later. I suspected something fishy. I asked him so many times if he is okay, he always said a yes and reassured that he is fine but something inside me kept telling me something in not right. My family too covered it up well and hid his condition from me.

The cancer was recurrent, and when it came back this time it was almost spread in his body. He was taken to the hospital frequently, but the hopes were diminishing, and he was very adamant to not tell me anything and he was not ready to go for treatment also till the time I deliver safely. I was blessed with a baby boy and when he heard this, he cried. Though his condition was very bad, still he enjoyed every moment of becoming a Nana!!

I was busy with the baby and stuff but always this thing kept running in my mind why there are no calls from him but only messages to share pics, but I thought may be because I should be taking rest. Then one day, my husband said he wants to tell me something, but I have to be strong to handle--- My heart sank!!

He told me my chacha is hopitalised since last one month and there is no hope. We only have few days or hours!!! I was shocked, sad, angry and what not. I was so angry on god—why me!!! The person with whom I was so close with, whom I fought with like a brother, respected like a father, trusted like a friend will be gone. Whatever used to happen with him I used to be the first person to know about it and today I was last person.

Because there was nothing much to say or to do, I only wanted to speak to him once. But he was already unconscious, getting fits every 10-20 mins. Next day he left us forever… I was devastated, betrayed, angry, anxious or what I don’t know. But overall, I was alone as he was the only one who never judged anyone for anything, and he meant a lot to me.

Today its 2 years since he left us, but I still feel the same pain which I felt that day. I still have this question why god made the situation like this where I didn’t have the right to see him for one last time or at least talk to him for one last time. I miss his voice every day. I wish he is in peace wherever he is. BUT THE GODS HAVEN’T BEEN FAIR!!

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