I did get several chances of finding love. But I was scared of falling in love because I thought ‘love’ would destroy me. Every time I felt even the slightest bit of ‘love’ for someone, I controlled myself by saying ‘love’ would kill my soul.
I did my best to avoid thinking about the concept of ‘love’ because I did not want to get betrayed. I would literally shiver with fear whenever I thought of ‘love’.
Several thoughts would haunt me at such times. I would end up asking myself questions like: “Are you sure of what you are doing? Are you prepared for another heartbreak? What will you do if you go through another bitter experience? Will you be able to live through the ordeal?”
But I had to brush aside all my fears because when ‘love’ finally entered my life; I could not even control it. Everything happened so quickly.
He just breezed into my life and within a few days, he found a permanent place in my heart. I could not even imagine myself falling in love again.
I wasn’t even ready to give ‘love’, ‘life’ or ‘myself’ another chance.
I had never been in a relationship before. I had been friend-zoned. Maybe we shared the ‘friends with benefits’ kind of relationship. I can’t really describe that relationship clearly.
I had given so much of myself for this ‘friend-zoned’ relationship. So I knew that I could not bear the pain of another heartbreak.
The month of Shraavan is always associated with greenery. When Shraavan (I have changed his name here) entered my life, he filled it with an abundance of love.
I started laughing again. I started living my life fully again. And the biggest blessing of it all was – I started sleeping again.
Everyone says that “love is beauty”. I found that beauty in Shravaan. I loved the way he held me, the way he cared for me, the way he looked at me with desire in his eyes.
When he looked at me like that, I knew I could be myself with him. I had never felt so special in my whole life before.
Everyone feels that the story of their lives is beautiful. But my life story became beautiful only after Shraavan entered my life. I was all prepared for that ‘U’ turn in my love life. I was expecting it to hit me any time.
I was sure that I could bear the pain again because I had convinced myself that ‘love’ always hurts. But I didn’t know that Shraavan would bring about this kind of a beautiful ‘U’ turn in my life.
Our profiles matched. I knew he has created a reputation for himself with his talent. I was the one who had contacted him first because I had a small query. I thought Shraavan would never respond to my query and the entire thing would end there.
I didn’t know that he would end up becoming my most special contact for life.
I guess God wanted to bless me that day. So He sent him into my life. That simple query soon progressed to a WhatsApp chat. We then started chatting continuously after which we moved on to video calls. I was amazed when I realized that we had spoken to each other for over 19 hours on all those video calls. I can’t believe that he is still the same guy I first met.
In our first few chats, I would often say this to myself, “Kitna chattar chattar karta hai!” But now his “chattar chattar” has become a part of my life.
We have known each other only for a few months now. But these few months have given me a lifetime of happiness. I can see myself in his future. I can see us growing together. I can see our kids playing in the garden. I can visualize us becoming old – with white hair and falling teeth.
My ears echo of his name ……Shraavan. I feel he is always with me and around me.
I daydream about him. I wonder about the kind of nameplate we would have outside our home. I wonder about the colour we will finally choose for the walls of our home. I know we will always take all our decisions together. But our car will always be black because our favourite colour is black.
I feel at home in his house. Whenever I see his mom, I feel like calling her “Maa” instead of “Aunty”. I stop myself from calling his father “Papa”. I get annoyed whenever he calls me “Ishu Pishu” but at the same time I know he is my best buddy.
I know I have finally found my soul mate. I have always wanted to be with a person like Shraavan. I feel happy whenever I see him. I know I am growing as a person when I am with him.
This is the only thing that I ask from God these days. I ask Him to give Shraavan my share of happiness too. I know Shraavan will always do well in his life because he deserves nothing but the best. I have full faith in him and in our love.
Yes, Shraavan is my love, my life and my world now.