I was living away from home for the first time in my life. I was pursuing my studies in south India. I met him when I was 23. I still remember the day he said, “Hello! How are you?” to me as he passed by me in college.

I was surprised when he did this because at that time I didn’t even know who he was. He was just another familiar face to me.

Later on that evening, I asked my bestie if she knew him. I described his features to her. I told her that he was a chubby guy with a fair complexion. I then went on to describe his other features to her. But she didn’t know whom I was talking about. 

After a few days, I got a friend request from him. I accepted it and showed his picture to my bestie. My bestie just knew him by face. They both belonged to the same community. She had met him only once before and couldn’t remember much about him.

He started showing interest in me. We started texting and calling each other. After a while, we went out on dates.

He seemed like a very genuine guy to me.

I knew I was falling deeply in love with him. Like all other normal couples, we started going out for movies and trips. We spent all our weekends together.

After a while, I realized that he was more than just a boyfriend to me. We were spending all our time together.

We had our bath together and ate all our meals together. I loved cooking especially for him. Time flew. Both of us finished college. I started doing my internship and he decided to move to a new city. At first, I was against it. But he told me that even though we would now be sharing only a long distance relationship, things would be fine. He said he would visit me every month because Pune was not very far away from the place that I lived in.

I gave in to his wishes because I did not have any other option.

We met each other almost every day before he left for Pune. I was finding it difficult to do so because I was working in the nights at that time.

But everything seemed worth it because I loved seeing him and spending my time with him.

A month later, it was time for him to leave for Pune. Things between us were really fine. But a couple of days later, I started feeling uneasy. I started losing my appetite and had frequent bouts of nausea. I bought a pregnancy test kit and when I saw two pink lines on the strip, I couldn’t believe my eyes. I bought another kit and repeated the test. Again the result was positive.

I was stunned for a moment. I gathered all my courage and called him up. I told him I was pregnant.

The first thing he said was, “That’s impossible. You can’t be pregnant.” He then asked me to go in for an abortion. I wondered how he could even think of such a thing. He should have been happy to hear the news. I was quite angry with him. We had an argument over the phone.

He was the one who had asked me to have a baby for him and now he was asking me to abort it.

I was feeling quite low emotionally at this time. I could not stop crying. I took a friend along with me when I went to see a doctor. The doctor confirmed that I was pregnant and told me that I would give birth to twins.

When I told him this, he asked me to keep the babies. He told me not to go in for an abortion now.

I had to break the news to my parents. They were shattered and deeply hurt by the news but they supported my decision. They asked me to return home. So I went back home.

He came to meet my family and me after a month.

He stayed with us for 2 nights after which both of us went to my sister’s place. She stays in another city. We thought that it would be better if I delivered my children in my sister’s place. My sister had promised to take care of me. He too agreed with this. So he dropped me at my sister’s place and went back to Pune.

I never knew that I was seeing him for the last time that day.

I was 6 months pregnant now. But one fine morning, I realized that I had started bleeding. My sister and I consulted the doctor. She asked me to get admitted to the hospital immediately. The doctor said that my cervix had started dilating. She said that I would be fine after a few days and all I needed to do was rest. I called him and told him about my hospitalization.

He was ready to take a flight and come over to meet me. I told him not to come because I thought it was a minor matter. I didn’t want him to waste money unnecessarily now.

But things took a turn for the worse. I suddenly felt as if something was moving down my uterus. I rushed to the washroom. I was immediately taken to a bigger hospital. My cervix had dilated fully and I was already in the process of giving birth to my children.

I was experiencing premature labour pain.

I was given several medicines and after 12 hours of labour, I gave birth to two beautiful angels.  They were beautiful girls but they were born prematurely. So they were immediately taken to the NICU. They were just 6 months old and were underweight. But the doctors could save their lives because they had the latest medical equipment.

But the man who sired them, their ‘father’, had given up on them. The doctor had called him up and told him that my twins had only a 50% chance of survival.

But instead of supporting me at this time he blocked my number and blocked me from everywhere else too.

My family supported me to the best of their ability at this time. I belong to a middle-class family. We couldn't afford to keep my babies in the hospital for 3 months.

So eventually, even I was left with no choice. I had to give up on them. I did so with a heavy heart.

It’s been 6 months now since all this happened. I am 26 now but I wonder if I will ever find love again. I wonder if I will be able to love someone again.

I wish I had held my babies just once. I wish I had the ability to save them.

But the thought that haunts me the most is: He had known me for 2 years. How could he abandon me just like that in a fraction of a second? He was the father of my twins. How could he let them die like that? Was he a human being?

And so I now live a life full of regrets because I loved the wrong man.

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