Confession Love Relationships religion one-sided love first love

He Broke My Heart When I Was 14 And I'm Married Today But Still Not Over The Way I Felt

( words)
*For representational purpose only.

Who says you can't fall in love when you are 14? Who says that it is not true love? I was in my ninth grade and fell in love with this guy who was my best friend in school. It was never love at first sight, but a feeling that gradually developed within. We used to talk to each other almost 24 X 7. And 12 years back, communication was not that easy and was also pretty expensive.

He belonged to a different religion and there was a huge difference in our cultures but somehow, that made me love him even more. I remember keeping rozas for him and he visiting the Durga puja with me. We even studied together for all our exams.

Just seeing him, listening to him would make my day. But he was never aware about my feelings towards him. It was a purely one-sided affair but I was very happy to just have him by my side. 

I could never imagine anyone else other than him. I always wondered whether I would remember him after 10 odd years, and yes, after 12 years I still remember him with each passing day, though he doesn't even stay in the same country anymore. 

We parted ways as soon as school ended. Our friendship did not stand the test of time. By this time, I had made my feelings very obvious to him and like guys generally do, he started avoiding me. I was heartbroken. It felt like 1000 knives were piercing my heart at one go. I never knew that one-sided love could be so painful. I cried myself to bed each day. I screwed my higher secondary exams.

While travelling in the public bus, I would pray to God to just get a glimpse of him. I would stare at my cell phone and keep waiting for just one phone call of his; a call that never came.

After my 12th grade, I moved out of the city but could never get over him. I always wanted this one last chance to talk to him, explain things to him; after all, he was my first love.

When I came to this beautiful city in the East of the country, I met a person who happens to be my husband now. I told him everything about my past and he accepted it. We dated for 7 years before we recently got married, but because of this childhood heartbreak, I think I could never reciprocate the kind of love that my then boyfriend, now husband, shows towards me.

I respect my husband from the core of my heart but 'that' space will always be empty.

For my husband, I am his first love and he proudly flaunts that, but for me, my first love was that guy from the other religion. After 12 long years, I still dream about him. Somewhere, I have hope that someday, he will realize how much I loved him.

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