Every Time I Love Or Trust A Man, I Pay For My Innocence

Anonymous Anonymous in Life Is Tough on 27 June, 2017

There is a dark haunting past which took me many years to digest.

My dad has a friend and they were very close since their childhood. I used to called that uncle my "Godfather". He has a boy, and I used to call him "brother"- I'm the only child to my parents and I have no other siblings as I'm the only child to my parents. Both our families were very close, and whenever they used to come home, they would stay for a week or more.

In time, brother went to another state for his education and I didn't see him for years. When I was 15, I met him for the first time in a very long time. I was so happy to meet him that I cooked all his favourite dishes for him, he and I and our parents had a great day. But I never observed the way his eyes changed when they saw me.

Some days went by and he came to visit again. My parents trusted him and left me with him when they went out. After they left, we watched TV for sometime. He came and sat next to me, placing his hand on my shoulder. I didn't feel anything odd as I honestly felt he was my brother. Slowly, he moved his hands down and touched my breasts. I felt uncomfortable and went to another room immediately.

Poor me, I didn't notice that he had followed me to the other room as well. He closed the door, caught me, pushed me onto the bed and started kissing me on my lips. His hands were undressing me even when I resisted, I tried to push him away but he was very strong and well-built.

I was yelling at him, saying that he was my brother, but he didn't stop.

He abused me and said that we were not born in the same family, and I was never his sister. He began to touch me all over. By God's grace, a neighbourhood kid came running into our garden at that point to pick up a ball he had thrown over the wall. This made him stop what he was doing and he responded to the kid outside.

After some time, he came to me and said that if I told my parents about this, they would kill me. As a boy, he could never be blamed, but a girl could be blamed easily. He threatened me to think about my parents and their health conditions. Both are diabetic and BP patients, and my only option was to keep my mouth shut.

From then on, he used to come home almost every month, each time kissing me, pinching me, and begging me to go out so we could have sex. Thank God my mom never used to let me go out with him. I used to cry for days and nights for many months.

I went into depression and lost interest in my studies. Seeing me this way in college, a boy named Ram asked me what happened. One day, I couldn't stop my tears and told him about everything. Upon listening, Ram stood as a support to me and asked me to fight back. He asked me to tell my parents everything and to face my situation.

I really don't know what happened to me that day but Ram built so much confidence in me that when my brother at home forced himself on me, I didn't let him touch me, I fought back, and pushed him out of my house. I also waited till my parents were back and told them whatever had happened for the past 2 years. They were enraged and they immediately cut the relationship with them, without giving them the reason. Since I'm a girl and my life would be ruined if they took any action, we shifted our home to another place.

I was very happy as I was out of that misery, and was very thankful to Ram. Once we completed our graduation, Ram proposed me and I agreed happily. I was very happy that I got a person in my life who knew me very well. We were in a relationship for a year and we were very happy.

One day Ram took me out and he started to express how much he loved me, and said that if I loved him truly, I should agree to have premarital sex.

I was shocked, and I had never expected that from him. We had a war of debate, and then he showed his true colours by saying that I had lost my virginity to that so-called brother, and accused me of acting in front of him. I broke into tears. I told him that I didn't lose my virginity, I never seduced him. It was my fate and I faced it.

I was heartbroken when I got to know that even Ram didn't understand me. And I broke up with him before I could go back to the same situation I had fought so hard to leave behind. No matter how much you trust someone and love them, they end up hurting you. That is the lesson I learnt.
Editor's Note:

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