Even Before Realizing It, I Became Addicted To Her

Anonymous Anonymous in Life Is Tough on 16 November, 2017

4 years ago I met a girl on Facebook. She had a dark complexion but a perfect figure. She seemed kinda nice. Every time I would comment on my best friend's wall, I'd notice she'd like it for sure. One day, she finally sent me a friend request and I accepted it. We got talking and became friends. She visited my city for some coaching and we started hanging out together. I was a bit lazy so I asked her to do my assignments for me. She asked me to take her to a temple and so we went to one, together. Slowly, I started growing fond of her. 

Then I found out that she was in a serious relationship with someone. But soon I understood that it was a very toxic relationship and I helped her get out of it. I decided to give her a change of look and attitude and so I invited her to my city from her city for a change of environment. She came and settled down for a course.

But then I thought that I should flirt with her a bit, after all I know her so well, why should I not have some fun? A few days later, I kissed her and she didn't say anything.
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I felt bolder with her after this and asked her what she felt about me. She told me that she loved me. I felt quite happy to hear this but my heart started pounding like hell, because I hadn't planned for this. Even before realizing it, I became addicted to her. I let go of my studies. I don't blame her for it but I was in seventh heaven. One night, we found a lonely place and had some crazy romance in it.

I was just too horny back then, so I neglected my studies quite willingly. My marks dropped and my mom and sister found out about our affair. They blamed her for my declining interest in studies.

My family opposed to our relationship but we kept at it. They said that it was not going to work out, but we didn't care. Then one day, she said that she will marry me only if both our families will agree to our match. And then came her father's ultimatum. She said that she won't marry me if her dad didn't accept me. This was the first time I had beer in my life. Later, I tried to think from her point of view and promised myself to get her dad to like me. I started prepping for exams and she too started doing the same. I don't know whether it was my inability or sheer bad luck, but I couldn't get a job.

Meanwhile, her family pressure grew. I was attending interviews and getting job offers but due to family constraints, I was forced to take up only a government job, which is quite tough for an engineering student. Between all this, I asked her to have sex with me, since I had been with her for four years and was still quite horny. But as usual, she rejected. This time though, I told her that if a girl has sex with a man she loves, it's epic. Personally, I had promised myself that I would have sex with her only if she would be willing. Times were harsh and I couldn't find any decent job.

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She finally asked me to break up with her. She said that due to caste problems, she won't be able to marry me. I belong to a good family, but her family looked down upon mine due to our caste, even though they were ready to marry me to her.

She isn't even ready to tell her parents about me, because according to her, it will hurt their pride and they will be devastated and she will die if she'd hurt them in any way.

It's been twenty days since our breakup and I don't know whose pain is worse - hers or mine. I don't know what to feel, I am unable to judge my love. I just want her back. But she is not gonna come, no matter what. And she is broken inside too.

Should I feel her pain or should I feel mine? Should I forgive her or should I hate her?

I am unable to decide. I know she is not lying to me about her condition, but I am in a jar of emotions and I don't know what to do.

Editor's Note:

Share this story because failing at your first love does not mean that you've failed at love entirely.