Does It Count As Cheating If I'm Still Thinking About My Ex?

Anonymous Anonymous in Life Is Tough on 29 November, 2017

I was in the 7th standard when I got a boyfriend. I didn’t know what love really was, and yet, there I was, in a relationship. Proposals kept flooding in as days passed by and that’s probably why I kept switching between relationships. By the time I was in the 9th standard, I was already three relationships down. And it was then, I met Fawad. And I’m madly in love with him, even today.

We were best friends by the 10th and were in a serious relationship, or so I thought. We shared every detail of our lives. We kept absolutely no secrets.

In this relationship, I was extremely possessive and often got jealous too. I didn’t want anyone to hang around Fawad, especially the other girls from our college.

Advertisement
One night, I was out at a party with two of my friends, Soniya and Ishaan, and Fawad. In conversation, I found out that Fawad and Soniya had gone for a movie together a few days ago. I was in shock! I was angry and more importantly, shattered because Fawad didn’t tell me himself.

During our holiday break, a few days after, Fawad told me that he didn’t feel the same way for me anymore. He said that he no longer loves me. I cried a lot that night. But I consoled myself. I was a bright student and extremely ambitious. My dreams of becoming a doctor were not going to come to an end because of this. With more enthusiasm than ever, I joined the BIPC stream. I worked hard; very, very hard. I studied day and night to finally bag a seat in a government medical college.

Around this time, Fawad entered my life again. He said that he wanted me and that he was sorry for the way he ended things between us. I loved him, but definitely had trust issues and I wanted time to make this decision for me. And so, I told him that I wanted to talk, as friends. We began by meeting at a café, twice. I still couldn’t decide.

He said he loved me, but actions speak louder than words and his actions definitely proved that he deserved someone better than me. He kept telling me, “be like her”, “dress like her”, and it just seemed like nothing was good enough for me. One day, he insulted me in front of his friends, by calling me a waitress.
Advertisement

I felt horrible about this. I couldn’t say a word to him, but tears rolled down my eyes. This went unnoticed by him, but not our friends.
The next day, Fawad apologized profusely for his comment, but I knew I couldn’t be happy with him. I got the sign that I needed. He wasn’t the one. Meanwhile, Ishaan kept expressing his love for me. He told me that he cared about me and he knew that I’d be happy and more importantly, respected, with him. A while later, he asked me out and I said yes. Today, Ishaan and I have been together for two years and I have to say, I’ve never felt a love like this before.

I take care of him and he’s everything that a great boyfriend should be. I can’t deny that I still stalk Fawad’s Instagram page or that from time to time, I check his display picture on WhatsApp. I’m not sure if this is the right decision, but I know that it wasn’t one hundred percent my option.

I know one thing for sure, I thought what I needed was Fawad, but Ishaan is the one I’ve been dreaming of. It makes me wonder, me, checking up on Fawad as I do, do you think I’m cheating on Ishaan?
Editor's Note:

Share this story, with someone who has loved, with all their heart, but where conflict blurs the edges.