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Dear 'Duffer Ladka', I Wish To Meet You One Last Time Before We Move On

( words)
*For representational purpose only.

Every girl dreams of her own prince charming. He may not be a person who is liked by everyone but he is the one who completes her in all aspects. I was a normal girl who dreamt of getting a job in an MNC. After 2-3 years of experience, I dreamt of getting married and having kids. No big dreams.

It was my last year of college. I had got placed in an MNC on the 1st day of the placement season. So I was kind of free as I did not have any tension of getting placed. And because I had so much free time I started chatting with strangers on chatting platforms just to have healthy conversations.

One day, one of my friends suggested a website to me. It was named 'Stranger Meetup' and she told me that this is the place where we get to meet less horny guys. It was around 11 O clock that day. I was feeling bored. So I opened that site and started chatting.

My first conversation ended within 2-3 minutes as I figured out his intentions. It was the same with the next 4–5 conversations that I had. I was very pissed with my friend because she had introduced me to this site. But still I gave it another shot. This time there was a decent guy on the other side.

I talked to him that night and he asked me for my contact no. or some way in which he could contact me. So I gave him my secondary email id. Next day he pinged me on that email id. We had a normal conversation. But after that he pinged me on Facebook. I was a bit shocked and a bit frightened too. I wondered how he knew my real identity. So I avoided him for 2–3 days.

But then I thought that there was no problem in chatting with him. He was a total stranger. I could block him if I found him offensive. So we started chatting. We usually chatted at night as he was busy with his office work during the day.

We used to chat about my past life, his past life, his likes and dislikes, my likes and dislikes etc. After all these conversations, I got to know that he was very ambitious and very career focussed. He had already given his GRE exams at that time. He was waiting to get accepted in colleges.

Also he was going to leave India soon- around August the next year. Our chat moved from Facebook to WhatsApp and then to Skype. I started liking this guy. His thinking started inspiring me. I was getting kind of addicted to him and the same was happening to him too.

One day he proposed to me and I said ‘Yes!’ (Without meeting him!) He started pushing me to get a good job and wanted me to earn at least 5–6 l pa as salary. He was the kind of guy who not only wanted success for himself but also wanted his partner to grow and become successful. (my dream boy!)

So I started applying to other companies again. I decided to attend an off campus drive in Delhi because he was in NCR. I felt this would be the best excuse to go to NCR with my parents’ permission. But before this drive we decided to meet on our 1st month anniversary. I was so excited that he was coming to the city in which I was living. Unfortunately because it was his last year in India, his family paid him a surprise visit so that they could celebrate the New Year with him.

So he had to cancel our plans of meeting that day. I was very upset but I understood. It was winters and NCR is one of the coldest regions. But even then he used to go for a walk after having his dinner just so that he could call me between 9 – 10 p.m.

On 31st Dec, he told me one thing which made me fall for him again. He told me, “Hey Roni Ladki, you know what? Last year on this same day I cried for a gal. But she left me. I cried a lot for her before I met you. Thank you dear for my happiness. I am lucky to have you!” I didn’t have any words to say to him that day. I had never felt so special before. Although I had been in a relationship before, it had never felt this special.

My drive was on the 9th of January. We decided to meet on the 3rd of January as soon as his parents left. We decided to meet midway between Delhi and Jaipur. Two of my friends agreed to come with me. He came with one of his friends. I met him for the first time and it was as if my dream had just come true.

My prince charming had a decent, charming, sophisticated personality. We talked and had lunch together. He gave me a bike ride (perfect dream!) Then we left for our respective places.

On our way back home I had butterflies in my stomach. On the 8th, I went to his place because I had the drive the next day. We kissed for the first time and it was all very special to me as it was my very first real kiss. Everything was fine and we met again on the 22nd of that month. Then he planned to meet me during the Valentine’s week. One of my friends used to tell me that ‘Itni to me class bhi nahi jati jitni jaldi tum log milte ho!”

I told him all my darkest secrets. And of course this guy, my ‘duffer ladka’, my ‘sadu uncle’ understood me and was on my side.

Because of his constant efforts, I got a job that paid me 5.5 l pa.

Meanwhile he had started getting acceptance letters from the colleges that he had applied to. Every time he got accepted in any college, he used to call me first. I always congratulated him but deep down I was very sad.

Then he got the acceptance letter from his dream college (the best college to do M.S). It was 7 o clock in the morning when he called me and told me about it. I congratulated him and texted him the whole day. But he was busy that day. I thought he may be busy with his work and thought it was best not to bother him. I even told my friends about his admission because it was a proud moment for me.

As soon as he returned from his office that night he told me that he had to leave India by the end of April or the beginning of May. He was busy the whole day because he had to hand in his resignation and complete all the other formalities. It was like a slap on my face. I started crying because I could now spend only 2 more months with him in India. I would then have to wait for a whole year to meet him.

He tried to calm me down but I felt betrayed by God. It felt like he was taking away one of my best things from me. But I accepted even this for his future, our future. He was also feeling bad but he usually tries to avoid revealing his feelings to anyone. But he used to reveal them to me whenever we met. He would cuddle me and tell me whatever was in his heart.

I knew I would miss all those chats. He was going to leave on the 5th of May. I had my final semester paper on the 1st of May. I had a paper on the 3rd of May and then again on the 7th of May. So we booked my ticket for Delhi on the 3rd of May after I finished my paper.

I prepared a scrap book for him as a farewell gift. One of my friends packed my bag while I was giving my paper. Another friend was ready to drop me at the station on his bike. I left Delhi to meet him and then drop him at the airport. I acted like a brave girl for 2 days.

A few minutes before his departure, I could not stop my tears. He gave me a hug, kissed my forehead and started leaving. I stood there watching him recede from my view with every passing minute. My heart sank. I felt as if everything was over between us. Normally this is what usually happens with couples who share a long distance relationship.

But on the 7th of May he called me from his new number. He wished me all the best for my paper. Everything was back to normal again. I used to wake him up as usual. We used to talk even after I finished college and returned home. I joined my company and moved to NCR. He used to hang out with his friends till late in the night. Of course some of them were females. I used to feel jealous but I trusted my guy. His birthday was about to come. I took his address from one of his friends and sent him gifts. I told them to cut the cake on Skype because I wanted to be a part of it.

It was a very happy as well as a very sad moment for me. I wished him and went back to work thinking about him. I was trying to control my tears but I failed. I went to the washroom and cried a lot. I cursed God for my destiny. It was his first birthday after we had started our relationship. As usual, I called him that day in the evening. (Morning for him!) He planned to spend his whole day with me and was waiting for me to leave my office and reach my room.

But when I called him as soon as I reached my room, he said he had to go to college urgently and he would talk to me in the night. I waited for his call for the whole night. At 4 o clock he called me and told me that he had got a bad grade in one subject. He was upset and that is why he was avoiding me and my calls. I tried to cheer him up but it is very hard to do so when you are in a long distance relationship.

When we are in the same city, a small kiss can make us forget the fight we had and resolve the issue. But in a long distance relationship, it is only words that can soothe your partner and choosing the right words is very difficult.

I started learning why long distance relationships are so difficult. But I had promised myself - no matter what happened, I would do my best to keep my relationship. I never wanted to act like an obstacle between him and his career. So I started giving him less time so that he could concentrate on his studies.

He had a one year course. So this semester was very crucial because he had to concentrate on his studies and his job at the same time. Soon he managed to get a job in the month of October itself. As usual he called me first and told me about getting a job.

I was in 7th heaven. I felt like my hard work had paid off. Of course it was his hard work but somehow again I felt proud. I felt like God had answered all my prayers and all my fasts had been worth it.

Then on my birthday he sent me a few gifts. He told me to send him some pictures but I forgot. (It was the first time I forgot to do something that he wanted me to do!) After a month it was our anniversary. We had met one year back and he gave me the most important thing that I wanted. Time. His time from his hectic schedule.

I started thinking about my future with him. I started pushing him for this. And that was the time our relationship took a U turn.

After a few days he told me he did not see me as his wife. He told me he wanted a wife who was not dependent on him. He wanted his wife to be earning in America.

My world came crashing down. I felt betrayed. But even then I was thinking about things from his perspective. I asked my dad about preparing for GRE. I thought it might help him believe that I am the right choice for him.

But he told me I was not the right one for him. He didn’t feel the same and he broke up. I didn’t know where I went wrong. I wanted to undo every mistake that I had made. I wanted to be his princess again. His ‘Roni Ladki’ whom he never wanted to cry. It was my mistake that I had started pushing him for marriage when he was not yet ready for it.

It was entirely my fault. I asked him to be my friend and help me move on with the ray of hope that he would be back with me again. As days and time passed, my hope faded. I stopped thinking about getting him back.

Of course I haven’t moved on. He told me not to call him to wake him up. He said he was mature enough to wake up by himself. We then started talking every weekend. Then every alternate weekend. Sometimes every 3rd weekend.

After about 4 months he told me that he did not love me anymore. But I still love him. I just wanted to meet him once when he came to India. I knew that after that no ray of hope would be left. I knew I could move on then. He blocked me on Facebook last month because I tagged him on a meme.

A few days back I messaged him asking him whether he would be available this weekend. He told me he was in Canada and would return by July. For the first time in 2 years, I felt he had lied to me. I called him from my roommate’s mobile on his Indian number. He picked the call. I cut the call.

I knew but I wanted him to tell me the truth. I messaged him. But he didn’t reply. Next day I called him again from my roommate’s mobile. He again picked the call. This time he told me he was having his food and cut the call.

He blocked me from everywhere. Still he did not tell me the truth. I called one of his old friends. I wanted to enquire about him. He didn’t tell me but from the way he was trying to avoid my queries I realized that HE IS IN INDIA.

I cried because things had changed so much in 1 year. My roommate tried to contact him. She requested him to talk to me once. He talked to me. He told me he was in India and he did not want to meet me. I literally begged him. But he didn’t listen to me. He is still in India. He will most probably leave for America again in the last week of June.

I want to meet him for one last time. I waited for a year. I am not so strong that I can wait for one more year. I have my GRE paper in June. But as of now the most important thing in my life is him – ‘my duffer ladka!’ I am a strong girl. But when it comes to him, I become the weakest person on this planet!

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