Dear Ex's Best Friend: You Made Me Hate The Love Of My Life, Thank You

Nayomi Dave Nayomi Dave in Life Is Tough on 2 March, 2017

Dear Ex's Best Friend,

I'd like to begin this outrage by saying that no matter how much in love I was with him, no matter what reason he's given to the world, or what the world has given me, in my mind the reason behind my split with him is, and will always be, you.

Thank you for showing me that him and I weren't meant to be. Thank you for entering his life after I did, and changing him so terribly only to prove that he is so vulnerable. Thank you for showing me that he is indeed capable of treating his girlfriend like an object. Thank you for only showing him your bad side.

Thank you for having him around only when you were having fights with your girlfriend so that he could pick all the wrong things from you — the way you used to speak with her, the way you used to get so annoyingly possessive. Unfortunately, he was never there to see the way you loved your girlfriend, he never picked up those attributes. Unfortunately, I wasn't as strong as your girlfriend, or else that behaviour would've been okay with me.

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I loved a different person than what he was when you entered his life. I was too blinded and failed to recognise that it was because of you. To recognise that it was time for me to leave someone I didn't love. I loved him, but he wasn't the real him after you became his friend. And I have no idea whether to thank you for this, or curse you. I just want to let you know, what situation I am in right now is not a problem for me at all. We both are certainly happier without each other, no doubt. But all I'm saying is, your absence could have saved everything.

It could have saved every tear I shed during those 4 months. It could have saved every quarrel I had with the person I loved. It could have saved everything.

I just wish you weren't a part of our lives. If not together as a couple, at least I'd be with him as a friend now. At least things between us would've been passive. That's the him I knew. But what have you turned him into? He has lost every bit of class, sensitivity, emotion. All he has is you and perhaps a few mutuals, his old friends side with me, they agree that you've changed him for the worst. I'm glad you and him won't be together after this year, not because it's going to benefit me in anyway. I don't see my friendship with him as a benefit at all. But at least I know he'll be a better human being, without you.

It really hurts me to see him like this. Yet I know he's become so thick skinned that if he ever were to come across this, he would dismiss it off and laugh at me like it's nothing. The old him wouldn't do that at all. And this I know, because I knew him then much better than you. I knew the way he felt when his girlfriend back then cheated on him. When she left him to go to another town. I saw he was hurt, he was angry. At least he had some emotions.

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I've spent more quality time than you will ever. I know for sure that most of your 'serious' discussions include someone bitching about you, or you bitching about your girlfriend because you'll fought. And again he picks up that attitude, and if this continues he'll treat his college girlfriend the same way. If she's hopefully stronger than me — she'll either leave him or mend him back to his normal self. I hope she does the latter but she unfortunately never got to see the good side of him. The one that I accepted instantly. The one I loved.

The one I knew would never send me voicemails at midnight telling me I'm a b****. He had more class than that. I wasn't hurt by the fact that he called me a that word, I was just hurt that someone like him was stooping down to such levels.

The guy I knew would never do that to anyone, especially when he knew the breakup wasn't the girl's fault. It wasn't his fault either. It was just destiny. And moreover, it was you. He lied to me about why we split, I guess he lied to you too. The person I knew had sense. I knew he wouldn't doubt my character. And I'm telling you, if you weren't his friend, he would have never hidden the true reason from me.

He can be so much better than what he is now. I wish he loses touch with you. I wish you were never a part of his life for starters. I will always hate you for what you've done to him, but I will never show it. I will always hate him for lying to me, but I will never show that either.

It's because that dreadful three letter word, EGO, that you have built in him, that's something I don't have. And that makes me a better person than him. However, I wasn't dumb enough not to recognise this change. You remember when you asked me, on the day of our split, why my reaction was so weird? It's because I was somewhat happy. It's because if he wouldn't have done it, I would have. I was falling out of love, and somewhere I believe I'm glad he fell out of it before me. Because what emotion have you left in him now?

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Why didn't you ever show him your loving side? Why did you ever insult your girlfriend in front of him? Why did you make him like this? Destroying one relationship and making your own blossom.

I know you aren't the worst person but you have a dark side to yourself. Everyone does but unfortunately, you showed him only that. And then he just imitated you. I remember, he never used to get pissed off whenever I spoke with a guy. It happened in March-April but he always trusted me.

Then why, dear Ex's Best Friend, why did it suddenly happen only in June? Why did it happen only after he saw your possessiveness? Am I making sense yet? I don't want to get back with him, or be a close friend of his, I just hope to see what I saw in him in March, when he was with better friends. Friends who knew how to treat women. You're nothing like that. 

I hate you as much as I am thankful to you. I was sick of our relationship anyway, so I'm glad you worsened it enough for us to break up. But I hate you for making me so sick of him, of our relationship. He used to treat me like a fellow human before. Not like a thing. He used to treat me like someone he loved. Not someone he remembered only when he wanted to kiss. We were much more than just physical attachment.

We were emotionally attached once upon a time but then you destroyed it. You've done the damage now. He is what he is. I can only hope for a better person in him tomorrow. I can only hope that you won't do this to others.  

I hope he realises it some day. As of now, I'm happy. So thank you. Also, f*** you.

Lots of love,
Your Best Friend's ex.