I had stopped talking to her because my girlfriend hated her. She knew I had a ‘soft corner’ for her. She thought that I loved the former more than her and she was probably right. But she was my girlfriend and, in an attempt, to make her happy, I stopped talking to my best friend.

 But destiny had us meeting again.

I was in a new city, being recently single, and she had left her hometown and come to the same city for work.  She had left her family and her husband, her marriage almost falling apart. After a radio silence of many years, I’d expected the day we reunited to be awkward and uncomfortable, but to my pleasant surprise, it was like things had never changed. She was my best friend and as we were both searching for housemates, we decided to stay with each other. I had my doubts but I could never refuse her anything.
In a short while, I fell in love again. I knew I wasn’t supposed to, but it was like the entire universe was conspiring against me. You would come into my room and cuddle with me, sometimes falling asleep next to me, curled up like a baby. I know you so well, but I also knew you could never be mine. That still didn’t stop me from falling in love with you. Every time you cuddled up against me, I wanted to make love to you. I wanted time to stop and to freeze that moment so that it could be eternal.

But I never forgot that you were already someone’s wife.

I controlled every overwhelming urge I had to kiss you and to make love to you. I knew that it was wrong to love you but I couldn’t help myself. I convinced myself to not tell you how I felt because I know that it would just make things awkward and difficult for us both and I didn’t want to inflict that upon you. The friend in me sincerely hoped that you would sort out your problems with your husband and that you two would get back together.

We lived together for more than a year, taking care of each other, putting the other’s needs before our own.

I know that things are now better at your end. You have sorted out your differences with your husband and that you are happy with him. But I also know that you miss me. But no matter what I am, I will always be your friend. Though as a lover I have wanted to take you to the highest mountains, have wanted to caress you all the time and have babies with you, as a friend, I didn’t want your marriage to break apart, even though I couldn’t stop myself from falling in love with you.

My love doesn’t need validation. It is self-sufficient and so strong; I know I can never stop loving you. I will never want anything from you and I may never tell you that I love you, but my actions will. I don’t know why I fell, but the feeling is great. The lump I get in my throat whenever I think of you makes me realize that I have always been in love with you. It is unfortunate that we got to spend such a short time with each other, but that was how the universe had designed it and I try to let it go. I make myself happy thinking that there was this girl who loved me and who probably will always love me. I know I will win in love, but for me, winning is not winning you, just that I will never get tired of loving you, my soul mate, my best friend.

I love you.

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