An Open Letter To My Crush: This Is Just To Let You Know I Loved You

Rupali Goyal Rupali Goyal in Life Is Tough on 18 July, 2017

Hey Handsome,

I hope you are doing well in your life. Although we are not on talking terms for the past one year, there is something I should tell you. I can’t say it all on your face because the moment I see you, everything goes out of focus, I feel numb and don’t say even half the things I want to say. I slur as if I'm drunk. I fumble. 

You are no less than a drug for me. I am addicted. I miss you every day, every minute and every second.

Going back to the time, I just remember how we met, how we became friends and how I fell for you. You are indeed a great personality - the way you talk, the way you smile, your obsession for success, love for your family. Your passion for your future, your philosophical thoughts, clarity about your life, the purity in your heart, control over your emotions, your friendly nature, your efforts to make me laugh when I feel alone, when I feel so low. The way you turn every intense situation into something positive and sometimes light. Being yourself, being so selfless, adventurous, caring, affectionate. You always pushed me towards success and every bit of this attracted me towards you.

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Yes, that’s the thing that attracted me more than your style, your looks, financial status or any other such materialistic thing. You wonder why I behave differently when Sheena or Neha are around you? Maybe I don’t want anyone else to be closer to you, maybe I want to be only who you share your secrets with, and your fears, your success. Not only me but first me. I feel jealous of those hugs you guys exchange. I feel so jealous when she sits on the backseat of your bike.

You wonder why I get angry and leave suddenly? That is all out of jealousy that leaves me feeling insecure. But all in all, your single text makes me feel alright. Thank you for all the care, love and confidence in me.

I love you more when you say, "text me when you reach home", you make me feel special when you share your ideas with me, when you tell me how your day was, when you discuss your future plans with me.

But I feel really sad when I cannot find myself anywhere in those plans. Then I think of the present moment and feel blessed that I'm with you, in that moment.

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Other than the fluctuating feelings, I am really thankful to you for pushing me to my limits to get to my goals, making me independent, more focused, making me love myself, smiling without any reason, expressing my emotions in a better way. Thank you for allowing me to care for you, to love you deeply, to be an important part of your life, sharing a few good moments, thoughts and secrets. Thank you for everything.

Lastly, I am really sorry for all everything wrong I've done. I got those signals wrong I know. Maybe you make everyone around you feel the way you make me feel, maybe you care deeply for everyone around you. But do you also ask everyone how their life is going, what they ate and what not, what they feel about the pleasant weather and being far away? How about a coffee at night? Maybe you ask everyone for a call when you feel low or can’t sleep, may be you pamper and sing to all of them when they can’t sleep, maybe you discuss your future plans with everyone and send those cute teaser texts to all of them. Maybe you love every one of those people but me.

You have everyone around you but I just had you. Maybe this is where I went wrong. Sorry for being madly and deeply in love with you, sorry for considering you my first and last love.

Although we are away and not talking to each other, I talk to you daily. I could never express this in words because you made me fall short of words each time I saw you. So, here I conclude my letter with a hope that you will read it someday, not to make you feel guilty or embarrassed but to let you know how much I loved you.

Yours lovingly,
Friend or lover or crush or stranger.