After She Left Me I Realized That Planning Not To Love Her Was My First Mistake

Anonymous Anonymous in Life Is Tough on 13 February, 2018

The memories are still fresh in my head; it feels like only yesterday when I saw her for the first time. I had spoken to her a few times on Facebook, so she wasn’t completely a stranger, and yet, I was hesitating to talk to her in person.

One day, when I was waiting to submit my documents before we joined the company, I got a message from her, asking her to meet her. She told me that if I said no, she wouldn’t talk to me. I knew where she’d be, so I submitted my documents and went off to meet her.

We didn’t talk much that day but were happy that we finally met. As days passed, our friendship grew stronger. We’d meet whenever we could and she would talk to me, non-stop and I would just sit there and listen to her. Even after we went home, we would chat continuously, for hours. Sometimes, we would end up talking about marriage or even love, but never was it hinted at our relationship.
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One day, she came to me and confessed her love. I was taken aback. I wasn’t good looking, by any definition. So I never really expected to find myself in this situation. I asked her for a time; I was confused. I didn’t want to break her heart because I knew that a lot of people had taken advantage of her. After thinking for a long time, I said, “Yes.”

Our friendship took a new turn, a romantic one and I was thrilled. I had found the love of my life; everything about her was perfect. Her smile, her love, her touch, her hair, everything was driving me crazy! I thanked God, every time before I slept, that I had her in my life.

We decided that once we both had a decent salary, we would get married. A few months later, things began to change. We got occupied with our work and our late-night conversations became a few text messages.

Slowly, it seemed as though we had nothing new to talk about and that left me feeling suffocated, irritated, with the smallest of things. We began fighting constantly and that didn’t help us either. Yet, I was determined to make this relationship work because I loved her a lot and I didn’t want to lose her.

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People say that sometimes, things don’t go as planned and that’s what happened to us. One night, I got a call from her. She asked me to meet her at a nearby park as soon as possible. After travelling for almost a half hour, I reached the park and I could see her sitting, from the parking spot; she was tensed. I went closer and asked her what happened. She held my hands and told me that her parents were asking her to go home so that she could meet a guy that they liked for her before making it final.

My world was devastated in a matter of seconds. I didn’t know what to do. I knew this was meant to happen one day, but I thought we had time. We decided that it’s time we tell our parents about our love before it’s too late.

She insisted that she would tell her parents as soon as she goes home. Once, it was all fine from her end, only then I would tell mine. I agreed, it made sense. She told me that even though it would take her years, she would convince them to approve of me.

A few days later, I got a message from her. The message read: My parents aren’t ready for marriage and you ever try to meet them, they would take their life.   I didn’t know what to do. I was numbed. My whole world came crashing down in a matter of seconds. Sometimes I was in so much pain that I felt like I didn’t know how to breathe. I began spending more time in the office, I thought that work would keep me busy and get so tired that I would go home and sleep.

It had become my daily routine now. I’ve moved on and I’m trying to lead a normal life, but falling in love scares me. I know that I may find love again, but I’m sure that she’s never going to be my first love.
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