I was in a relationship for a little more than 4 years. It was a long distance relationship but we made sure we met once in a while. Those once in a while meetings were the most beautiful moments of my life. The feeling of being loved is the best feeling.
Things were going smoothly between us; we did have our share of fights as well, but it only brought us closer to each other. We had our hardships but we complemented each other well to tackle any situation. In short, it was too perfect to be true.
I invested too much of myself in the relationship.
Eventually her family got to know and they weren't okay with our relationship, for reasons best known to them. This forced us to cut off from each other every now and then. But we could never really stay away because we were so used to each other. We were in a relationship, but never really gave it a name.
Then came a time when I told my father about my relationship and requested him to speak to her parents. My father was on Hemodialysis as he suffered kidney failure. He was concerned about me, but felt helpless because he knew that her family was stubborn and wouldn't agree to it.
He told me to take some time to reconsider everything. I did give it a thought, but I could never really forget her or let go of her. Slowly his health deteriorated, and he passed away. I'd never felt so helpless in my life.
Her family started looking for a guy for her. They finally found one and she ended up saying yes.
I've never cried so much in my life, not even when I lost my father. That relationship meant so much to me.
I'd never been so vulnerable. My mother was extremely worried because she had never seen this side of mine. She cried along with me. She told me that she would talk to her parents.
At that moment I realized why mothers are so awesome. I poured my heart out to her and it did help me.
I knew that we had to cut off. The shit just got real and I never realized that it would be so difficult to end it. It's been three months now and I’ve tried to talk to her every now and then. In the beginning, she did respond, but eventually her tone changed. She was angry and furious that I blamed her for my current situation.
I get to see on social media that she is having the time of her life with a stranger, in just three months…I wonder if it is real at all…
I used to be a jovial person who could gel with anyone and everyone. But this incident changed me. I've started doubting relationships.If she couldn't fight for me in spite of knowing me, then I don't know who would?
I'm losing faith in myself but I’m trying to go ahead.
I keep finding reasons to move on and fight harder, only to realize that the reason is right next to me, and that reason is my mother. The one who stood by me through thick and thin. She never got angry that I did not share all this earlier. She ignored all those times when I was rude to her and still loves me unconditionally.
It made me realize how in the search for bigger things, we tend to ignore the smaller and real joys of lives.