Dear mother, father, sister, wife of my boyfriend, and boyfriend,
I am writing this letter to tell you all of the love that I had for the man who is your son, brother or husband. I fell in love with the man of your house before he got married. We were madly, intensely and passionately in love with each other. We knew we were amongst the very few lucky people who shared this kind of a bond.
I loved him so much that I fell in love with all of you even though I had not met anyone of you in person (Except his wife of course).
I loved and respected you all for giving me a man who I thought was the most beautiful human being I had ever known in my life so far.
I thought all of you had played a major part in creating such a wonderful person.
I had never thought of settling down with anyone else before.
When he came into my life, my perceptions about life, love and people began to change.
I loved him deeply but I also realized that I had the capability of loving everything around me. I grew profoundly as a person after he came into my life. I was more than thankful to all of you for giving me this most beautiful phase of my life.
Then, suddenly things began to change because you wanted him to get married and settle down in his life. All of you now became aware of my presence in his life.
But you couldn’t accept me. Not because I loved him any less than all of you but because I belonged to a different religion.
The love that I had for him, the fact that I cared for him, the kind of person I was and my character – everything took a back seat. The only thing that was wrong with me was that I was born with a different religion.
You couldn’t see how much I loved him, how deeply I respected you all, how I made him happy and how I fulfilled his life in ways that I can’t even explain.
But none of this mattered anymore. My love or should I say the love that we had for each other was not enough to keep us together for a lifetime. I could never understand this. If two people who belonged to the same religion or community got married, did it automatically mean that they would always stay together and understand each other? I never understood why I was not good enough for him. But another girl who did not even know him or love him for all his strengths and weaknesses was a perfect match for him because she belonged to the same religion and community.
But you did not want me. And he did not want to upset you all. So I let him go because I respected the love that he had for all of you and wanted him to be happy.
I also wanted all of you to know that I respected you all too. So I didn’t really question the decision that you made for his life. You chose a girl who belonged to your community. She did not know a thing about him. She did not know what made him happy or sad or the things he liked to eat or the kind of clothes he wore or his favourite movies or the books that he liked to read.
But she came into his life anyway though she did not really deserve him. So I had to leave.
I was broken. I missed him. There were times when I thought that I couldn’t live without him. I couldn’t live with the idea of him belonging to another random woman whom he did not even know properly. I thought of taking my life because I had become a very unhappy person. I cried all night with all my heart. It felt like blood was flowing from my eyes instead of tears. I lost control over my life.
I did not have a meaning to live my life anymore. I thought I did not know the meaning of love anymore.
Every new day that dawned on me seemed like a burden that I had to carry. I carried it because I had no choice. I couldn't share anything with my family. It did not matter anymore because you had snatched him away from my life like a toy and had given him to someone else.
Then I began to think that maybe he will find love in her again. He might find his happiness with her. I won’t lie to you of course. I couldn’t bear to see him in love with somebody else. But I knew I had a lot of love for him in my heart so I did not want to see him miserable either.
Then he came back to me again – broken, unhappy, miserable and more in love with me than ever before. He could not love her though he had tried to do so.
There it was – that one decision of yours that had changed all our lives. I wasn’t happy without him. He wasn’t happy without me. His wife wasn’t happy with him because he could not love her. And I don't really know how all of you felt.
It became an ugly affair. But we found that we were more in love with each other now. We began to find happiness with each other again. But it came at a big price. I became pregnant with his child.
But I couldn’t keep the baby because I wasn’t married to him. Someone else was. One decision of yours changed our lives and perceptions.
He began spending more time outside the house than with all of you. Did none of you ever realize how miserable he actually was? Did you not love him enough to want to see him happy and healthy? He took to alcohol to drown his pain and misery.
Did you not love him enough to do what was right for him? Did you not love him enough to sacrifice for him like he sacrificed his love for all of you? But who was I to question all of you? He was your son and you knew what was best for him.
I could never rationalize that. All I knew was that I had suddenly changed from the ‘love of his life’ to ‘the other woman’ in his life – though he never treated me like one. I now realized that I had helped him in every possible manner.
It was time for him to take a stand for me even if he had to upset all of you this time.
But it didn’t happen. I kept waiting. But he did not do anything except ask his wife to leave him because he couldn’t love her. But she did not leave him either. Not because she loved him but because she had her own reasons.
He had his reasons. His wife had her reasons. But I still did not have a choice.
I loved him so much that it was difficult living without him. I had tried doing this. So I began to find happiness in whatever I got. He promised me that he would make everything alright when the time was right. I believed that he was there for me, so nothing could go wrong. He did all the things that a husband does for his wife. He spent more time with me than he did with all of you. He took care of all my needs.
He kept telling me that he was working on it and would soon give me everything that I deserved. I believed every word that he said.
Things became casual with time. I began to pester him less than before because I thought he knew what he had to do. He has been married for four years now and we are still in a relationship which is as strong as ever. All these years I never questioned his loyalty to me. It was the most valuable thing that I had. He stayed with me no matter what. His wife was a stranger living with him for four years. And then lightning struck again.
I found out that she was pregnant with his child. My world came tumbling down again.
All my love, all my hard work to keep our relationship going for all these years went down the drain.
And this time he was to blame.
The person who claimed he loved me more than his life was responsible. I could feel a lot of hatred welling up within me.
I hated all of you and him too. I had been living in a bubble and the bubble of my happy life had just burst.
I did not have to wait for him anymore because I had lost him. I loved him only to find myself lonely and unhappy again. I wish another man could heal all the wounds of my past. But I do not even know if such a man exists somewhere.
I continue to love him. I hope I am able to forgive him and all of you someday. But today I know one thing for certain. I may not have been the daughter-in-law that you had chosen for him but I would have certainly become the daughter-in-law you wanted me to become. I know I do not belong to your religion but I would have loved you all and adopted you all as my own. I may not have been the ideal wife but after facing all these struggles, I am sure I would have done everything to keep him nothing short of happy.
But thank you for not choosing me as your daughter-in-law. If you ask me today, I wouldn't choose you all to be my in-laws. I wouldn't choose your son to be my husband. I know I am a better person than all of you put together. I am a loving, kind and honest person. I never needed a religion to prove my worth to you. And in my eyes, I am the only person who has emerged clean and guilt-free out of all this.
I wish you all a very happy life.
A girl who could never become a part of your family and now, does not want to.