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We've Been Together For 5 Years But Our Relationship Is Still Forced To Be A Secret

( words)
*For representational purpose only.

It was 2012 and I had just completed my graduation. I had been in a long distance relationship for the past 4 years.

He was my first love and I was a committed, loyal girlfriend.

Around February in the same year, a cute boy sent me a message on social media. We started chatting and after a few days, he asked for my number. When we exchanged numbers, I told him that I was in a relationship.

He understood that I believed in commitment while he was a bindaas (carefree) guy who did not believe in it.

Yet, he kept asking me out and eventually, I agreed to meet him. When I saw him for the first time, my heart melt. I could hear bells ringing and I felt something within me. That's how it began.

We would meet often, go for parties along with his friends and one day, we ended up kissing each other. I still can't forget that day! As days passed by, we continued spending time together.

The connection between us was so strong that I had to break up with my first boyfriend because I realized that this guy had everything I wanted in a partner.

We had an intimate relationship without any commitment. Our feelings were mutual and we agreed to go with the flow, without naming our relationship. During the years that we were together, he tried several times to make up stories and push me away from him.

He knew that I was in love with him and he was scared of hurting me.

He would cook up these stories, take a break from the relationship and after a few days, he’d call me back. But in 2015, he blocked me from all his social media accounts. I was sad and upset though I believed that he would come back to me.

As always, he got in touch with me and we were back together. We would meet at home, in our secret spots, go for long drives and spend a lot of time together. Everything seemed to be going well.

Yet, there were times when he’d tell me stories about different girls and I knew that he was just saying it to test me and make me jealous.

As the end of the day, he had the same feelings that I had for him but he never showed it. He was very reserved, had an attitude and was also popular in the city, so he wanted to keep our friendship private. He was very secretive about it.

Even I hadn’t mentioned it to many of my friends till recently, as they were very curious about us. Though we were close, I would always tell him that if he found another girl, he could go ahead and I wouldn’t mind. Whenever I said this, he'd get upset and pretend that there was no one else in his life.

When you’ve been with someone for almost 5 years, there is a telepathic connection and a strong bond.

I’d always believed and still believe he is the one for me. The only problem is that he is handsome and cute.

Though people say that I’m also cute, I’ve always felt he wanted a thin and rich girl.

Several times, he indirectly told me to lose weight and till date, I’ve not taken it seriously because food is my love, it gives me happiness in the darkest times.

Nevertheless, everything between us was good, the time we spent together, our closeness, and our friendship. However, on 28th October 2017, he blocked me from Facebook and all his other accounts once again. I was extremely upset and wanted to know what made him take such a drastic step.

I cried and was also irritated because we were not strangers or enemies to block each other.

When I asked him the reason for his actions, he simply said, “Don't worry, nothing has happened.” I couldn’t believe it!

He was doing this for the second time and this time, my ego and self-respect were hurt.

I was very angry and vented it out on him through WhatsApp. I really hate it when someone close blocks me without any reason. I knew he was going to Bangalore for a few months for his business and probably did this to concentrate on his work. Or probably he’d found a new girl.

Whatever be the reason, I would have preferred him telling me the truth.

I had to ask him three times before he finally admitted that he was dating some other girl. I simply wished him happiness for the future. That’s when he said that one of my friends told him that I’d shown everyone his picture and said that he was my boyfriend.

I was shocked and couldn’t understand who among my friends would do such a thing to ruin my life.

Since then, I lost trust in my friends and broke all ties with them. I was also disturbed because he didn’t trust me.

Had he really trusted me, he wouldn't have believed their words.

If I had to tell everyone, I would have done it long back. I was also confused whether he was telling the truth or making up another story to avoid me. It was a very hard time for me and I cried for almost a month. I became like Devdas and started drinking every day.

I didn’t want to text him again but I ended up messaging him and he replied. However, I felt that he was lying again. If he was bored and really wanted to avoid me, he could have just told me. I’d never expected this from him.

Our relationship had no name, but what about the friendship and that strong chemistry and connection that we shared?

I always thought that he would be on my side forever in good and bad times. He was also my close friend and I shared everything with him.

But today, it's been two months since we met and I am still waiting for him to come back. Since he has done the same thing earlier, I’m hoping that he comes back this time too. I’ve never felt like giving up on him.

Till date, my gut feeling says that I should be patient and everything will get sorted.

I believe this and I hope I shall get what I truly deserve. I’m just waiting and hoping that you are reading this Mr. P. I know you are in the city and it’s just a matter of time and destiny, if it's meant to be, it will find its way.

I miss you and I love you so much. I hope this message reaches you.

I just want you to know that I was always loyal and kept our secret safe.

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