We Wanted To Design Our Lives With Love But ‘Age’ And ‘Caste’ Ruined The Beauty Of It All

Anonymous Anonymous in Culture Shock on 22 May, 2017

I am an artist. I paint. I have a number of tattoos on my body too. I work as a designer in a fashion studio. I met his guy Varun, an air force officer, in a very filmy manner. Both of us had missed our bus from Bangalore to Coimbatore. I was talking to my dad over the phone. I was explaining how I had missed the bus to him and inquiring about the next bus to Coimbatore at the enquiry counter of the bus stand.

Suddenly, a tall, handsome guy came in front of me. He was wearing a pair of RayBan glasses. I caught my breath when I saw him and cleared my throat to ensure that he saw me. He did see me.

He said, “Hi! Can you please ask the lady at the enquiry counter about the next bus to Coimbatore?” I was very excited for a moment. I said, “Oh! Ya. No buses for the next two hours. We have to wait.” He said, “OK” and left.

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I called my friend and told her about this guy. My parents had always wanted me to find a guy for myself and it was high time I started doing so. My friend gave me several ideas about how to initiate a conversation with him. But it was of no use because he had already left. But maybe we were fated to meet that day.

He came over with a cup of coffee and introduced himself. He then asked me two questions.

He said, “How many tattoos do you have? What’s your weight?” I am a lean girl so I guess his questions were quite justified. After this, things were really great between us. We talked to each other all through our journey. We shared the details of our lives after which I asked him for his telephone number.

Both of us felt as if we had known each other for a long time
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The minute we reached our destination, we gave each other a warm hug and said our goodbyes. For a moment, I thought that was all there was to it. He was no one to me now. So I just had to go ahead and lead my life. But an hour later I got a message from him. He said, "Hi! I had a really nice time with you on the bus." I was a little excited by the whole thing. So I narrated my experience to my grandma, mom and aunt. They too found it very interesting but they didn't say much about it. That was the end of the matter. I had a good time with my relatives and went back to Bangalore.

A week later, I got another message from him. He was asking me out for a date. Initially, I was quite excited and decided to meet him. But I had second thoughts when I was going to meet him.

I got nervous and decided to call off the date. I gave him several reasons and he accepted my apology with grace.

A week later, he dropped me a message saying that he was leaving Bangalore and going back to Ambala. He asked me if I would be interested in meeting him. I didn’t want to meet him so I told him that I was working that day. I don’t know what made me so nervous about meeting him. We said, "Bye" to each other over the phone. After that, we didn't message or call each other for almost 4 months.

One day, I had finished working on a wonderful painting. I had this habit of forwarding the pictures of my painting to all the people in my contact list. I had sent the picture in the middle of the night but he called me up as soon as he saw it. I literally jumped off my bed. I was getting excited again. After that, we started chatting and calling each other regularly. We then started calling each other over Skype and finally, we decided to meet.

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This time, I promised not to disappoint him. We were very clear that it would just be a casual meeting and there would be nothing between us after that.

We finally did meet. We had a really memorable time with each other. After he left, I knew that there was nothing more to our relationship. But somehow, we started getting emotionally involved with each other now. Before he went back to Ambala, he said he wanted to meet me again. We did meet too.

And this time he admitted that he was totally in love with me. I too shared my feelings with him.

But the very next moment he seemed very upset. He said, “We can never be together. My parents are very orthodox. They will never allow me to marry a girl from a lower caste.”

I was totally broken when I heard that. I belonged to a rich family yet when it came to marriage, people always preferred a girl from their own caste for their sons.

So I just said, “Let’s not jump to conclusions right away. Let’s see how far we can travel in our lives together. So we continued meeting each other. We had no plans for our future. But we did not want to miss out on enjoying each other’s company.

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Two years later, my parents said it was high time I considered getting married. They said they had got a proposal for me. They hadn’t told them anything as yet. They wanted me to take this decision. I asked them for some time because I wanted to tell Varun about this. I wanted to know if he had any plans of going ahead with our relationship or if he had changed his mind about it.

When I broke the news to him, he had tears in his eyes. He said, “Let’s take a chance. I will talk to my parents.” He promised me that he was not ready to give up on us. He said he truly loved me and wanted me to be a part of his life.

I broke the news to my parents. They accepted the news happily. They even talked to him over a Skype call because they were very eager to see him directly. My family accepted the whole thing quite happily.

He came to meet my parents too and told them that he would talk to his parents about our relationship.

He reached Trivandrum, his hometown  and discussed our relationship with his parents. At first, his parents did not agree to it at all. They made a huge fuss about it. But he managed to convince his dad to talk to my dad over a call.

They had a decent conversation and his dad promised to come over to visit us. My parents were the happiest people on earth for two whole days.
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After that, my dad wanted to know the exact date of their visit. I told him I would confirm this with Varun. But when I called him he said, “No. They are not agreeing to meet your parents because you belong to a lower caste. Also, you are older to me by a year. So they are not too happy about that too. They don't want me to go ahead with this relationship."

I went totally blank for a few seconds.

I didn’t know how to reply to him. I went home and told my dad about our conversation. My dad asked me not to worry. He said he will make this work at any cost.

He asked me never to have any negative thoughts. He said, “You are my champion and you always will be. Don’t ever give up so easily.”

He called Varun and spoke to him for almost an hour. He thought for a while and said, “Let’s give them some time. I will go to Varun’s native place and talk to them directly after a couple of weeks.”

A few days later, Varun left for his work base without meeting me. That was when I realized that things would never work out between us. I didn’t ask him why he hadn’t met me this time. I respected his decision. But later on, he himself told me that he couldn’t meet me this time because he had to go on a trip with his parents and he had taken a direct flight from there. After he reached his work base, we continued to talk over Skype.

He said our relationship had no future now. He said, “Please tell your dad not to call my dad. My parents might speak rudely with your father and I don’t want that to happen.” I was shattered when he told me this. I felt as if someone had put me in a crushing machine. I was torn to pieces.

I did not have the strength to speak even a single word. I just said, “Fine!” and disconnected the call. I then dropped him a message and bid him a proper goodbye. It’s been three and a half months now. I have not got a single message from him or heard from him. My parents are heartbroken. They can’t find the words to console me. But I guess life has to go on….

Author's Note:

I’m still looking for answers. Who came up with the concept of ‘caste’ and ‘age’? Hindus pray to so many different Gods. All these Gods are married to women they love. Sati was reborn in many forms in different religions and castes. Devi Sati is believed to be older than Lord Shiva. Yet we pray to all these Gods and Goddesses. So why can’t they consider me as their daughter-in-law?

Editor's Note:

Sometimes, we have to let go of an extremely precious bond. But we don’t have to hurt or blame anyone when we do so. When we are so embroiled in our own emotional turmoil, we become insensitive to the feelings of others. Let’s learn to rise above our own pain and think of others at such times.  Let’s share this story and learn the art of letting go in a dignified manner from this young man. It’s rare to find such fine human beings.