We Knew We Could Never Hurt Our Parents So We Ended Up Hurting Ourselves Repeatedly

Anonymous Anonymous in Culture Shock on 7 February, 2018

Like all other girls, I too wanted someone who loved me unconditionally.

I did find one such person too. But the society that we live in believes in ‘caste system’.

Though both of us were soul mates we knew our relationship had no future. We were aware that our parents would never allow us to get married.
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I was 18 years old when I first met him. I was in the first year of my college and he was in his second year. We studied in different blocks of the same college campus. I was just leaving college after my classes when I saw a tall, dusky guy coming over to talk to my friend. He was my friend’s cousin. I fell in love with him as soon as I saw him.

In fact, I started believing in the concept of ‘love at first sight’ only after I met him.

He was wearing spectacles and I couldn’t take my eyes off him. But I had to leave because my dad was waiting for me. I somehow managed to find out his name from my friend and sent him a friend request on Facebook. He accepted it and I immediately sent him a message. I was eagerly waiting for his reply. He replied after a couple of hours. We had a pretty good conversation after which we exchanged numbers. I got to meet him the very next day.

Though I was blushing all through our conversation we managed to spend some quality time together.
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We spoke over the phone after we reached our respective homes and I simply could not forget his face. We were not too serious about each other initially.

We knew that our parents would literally kill us even if they got to know about our relationship. So we never even entertained the thought of getting married to each other.

But we chatted for days together. We would meet during our breaks and have our lunch together. We had fallen for each other. We would chat endlessly about everything. One day, we had a misunderstanding so we just stopped talking for almost 4- 5 months. We would just smile when we saw each other.

Days turned into months and we realized that it had been almost a year since we had spoken to each other properly. One fine day, we just ended up talking to each other.  We continued talking throughout the night. And midway through our chat, I told him, "It's my birthday today!"

He was the first person to wish me on my 19th birthday.
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He gave me chocolates when we met the next day. We continued to talk to each other every now and then but we were busy with our own lives too. Time flew and we lost touch with each other again. But around a year back, we met again during our college fest. He was there with all his friends.

He had the best set of friends that I had ever come across. Somehow all of them became my friends too.

After the fest, I waved at him when I saw him on my way out of the college. He came to me immediately and spoke to me. I don’t know what happened to both of us but we simply could not take our eyes off each other. He put his hands around my shoulders and we spoke to each other for a while. I had to leave after a while because I was getting delayed.

We started talking to each other all through the day and night after that.

It was as if we had regained the relationship that we had shared 2 years back.

We met regularly in college and chatted nonstop while hanging around in the college. The entire college considered us to be the best couple because we were always together. I had always wanted to go to a place in Bangalore which was quite famous. I asked him if he would take me there. He agreed. That was the first and last time I went to that place.

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There were days when we laughed our hearts out. But there were days when we cried together too. Things had returned to normal in our relationship and I don’t know when we both fell in love with each other all over again.

And this time too both of us realized that because we belonged to ‘different castes’ we could never end up together.

We were sure about one thing – that we were soul mates. I strongly believed this and he too felt the same way about me. But we knew that fate had something else in store for us. We spoke about all these things and it was at such times that we would end up crying.

I was going through so much and even the thought of not having him around me all the time seemed like a nightmare to me. One day, I was crying all by myself when I got a call from him. When he realized that I had been crying, he was very angry. He spoke very harshly with me. I was hurt by his words and we decided not to talk to each other ever again. And this time both of us were very serious about it. Both of us studied in the same college, but we ignored each other when we passed each other. He wouldn’t even look at my face.

I knew he was deeply hurt. I too was hurt but we didn’t have a choice.

There was no point in being together now when we knew that we wouldn’t be together in the future. I would get upset even when I thought about a future without him. I was sure that he was finding it equally difficult to come to terms with our situation.

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Then a movie released. We did not watch this movie but the storyline of that movie was literally the story of our lives. We had not spoken to each other for almost 9 months now.  But he sent me a text message one day before he left India.

We were so happy to get back with each other but we were clear that we would meet only as friends from now on.

He lives abroad now and we talk almost every day. But the pain of not being with the person we love is too terrible to bear.

I know he is the best thing that has happened in my life so far but I still have to deal with the pain of not being able to marry him.

We simply cannot hurt or go against our parents. So we have ended up hurting ourselves. It has been 4 years now. I still love him and he too still loves me I know I will never be able to forget him even after I get married. I will continue to love him all through my life.

I love you bujji!

Author's Note:

I request all our elders to break down all their mental and emotional barriers that were created by our caste system. Please let people live with the people they love!

Editor's Note:

Share this story because often our children end up paying a very heavy price for the prejudices that we, as parents, nurture in our hearts and minds. Why do we do this to our own children?